Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Daily Diversion / Media / Politics / Silverman [Updated] Caption Contest: Bill Maher Ticket Giveaway!
Posted by Jack Silverman on Wed, Jun 24, 2009 at 1:25 PM
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"Congressman, you can keep asking but I am not going to show you the sparkly shorts under my suit"
"I'm honored that you propositioned me to have an affair, Mr. Simmons, but I'm already having one with that woman beside you. Shhhh..."
I thought these were supposed to be captions. Everyone has submitted dialogues. Which is it?
"Hey Richard, how many calories are in an Argentina hair pie?" My buddy Mark Sanford said they were delicious.
"Sweetie, I love your work. I lost 300 pounds doing your Sweating to the Oldies on VHS!"
New Rule: Richard Simmons is not allowed to ask for a personal stimulus package.
Richard Simmons in shorts and sparkly tank top: fun-loving fitness guru. Richard Simmons in a suit and tie: creepy child molester.
Frank, either works. A dialogue can be a caption. But it doesn't have to be dialogue.
OK, obviously I'm not eligible to win, but I couldn't resist:
Wamp to Simmons: "Front me an eight-ball till next Friday and I won't reveal that you're Phil Spector's bastard lovechild."
"Zach, you're gonna lose that hand if you don't take it off my leg. And by the way, what's that sticky-looking thing on your forehead?"
(yeah, ineligible)
WAMP: I thought we were supposed to swap outfits tomorrow?
SIMMONS: I know Zach. I just got bored at the house after you left for work.....
Tennessee gubernatorial candidate Zach Wamp (right, kneeling) seen here serenading fitness celebrity Richard Simmons (left) with his rendition of "Pure Imagination." It was later revealed that Wamp had mistaken Simmons for Gene Wilder.
An onlooking woman smiles with knowing satisfaction at the absurdity of two male lovers incompetently attempting discretion.
New Rule: "Gilbert Martin" must remove the cock from his ass before he makes comments.
Bush lied.
Religion is a farce.
That's Maher's entire gig.
And at that, he borrowed it from the Leftist Leaflet.
Bryce, have you actually seen his show at all in the last few years? Those two topics make up about 5 percent of his material. Less, now that Bush is out of office. But your "leftist leaflet" comment reveals your true motivations.
Fitness guru reassures career Congressman: "Well of course you broke your term limit pledge, silly ... New Richard Simmons Rule: Never promise to stop running!"
Yes I am playing Larry in the new Three Stooges movie, and by all means, please let me guide your hand up a little more.
"Why, Congressman, I had no idea you and I were both members of the 'Purple Tie Club.'"
TN GOP gubernatorial candidate Zach Wamp shocked supporters by naming flamboyant fitness guru Richard Simmons as his new campaign manager. "It's no secret the GOP brand is in the toilet these days, so I thought I'd try a strategy to draw new voters, and show some inclusiveness" Wamp explained. "What better way to do that than to hire some fairy who prances around in short shorts for a livin'".
