Monday, June 22, 2009
Hannan / Media / Politics / The Economy Valentine's View: Phil Can Balance a Budget, Why Can't Tennessee?
Posted by Caleb Hannan on Mon, Jun 22, 2009 at 11:02 AM
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We read Phil Valentine so you don't have to...
Column: State's next governor must be fiscally responsible
Topic: The rising cost of government in Tennessee.
Phil's Current Sanity Level: 37
What Your Head Would Feel Like if You Read it Yourself: You've just snorted a line of diced habaneros. Your eyes are watering, your nose is running and your brain feels like a buffet for a swarm of fire ants. You reek of peppers and failure, and everybody's laughing at you.
Charting Phil's Logic: 1. It's no wonder Tennessee is in the dumps. The budget keeps going up every year. 2. Phil's advice: Match spending to inflation. That way we'd have a huge "rainy day" fund and be billiions in the black. 4. The Poor Man's Suze Orman says: Be like me, don't spend money you don't have. 5. Phil's answer: Make a law capping the budget so it can't exceed the previous year's revenue. That way we won't have to pay for "boondoggle's" like the Governor's pre-K program. New plan: "Encourage parental responsibility." 6. Related question: Do you have to itemize "wishful thinking" or can you just write that off? 7. Another unnecessary expense speeding Tennessee to the poorhouse: AIDS programs. Quote: "AIDS is the most preventable disease ever known to man." 8. Which brings us to Step 1 of Phil's 10 Step Program for Avoiding AIDS: Stay out of V.A. hospitals, dummies! 9. Final Phil takeaway: Live within your means. 10. It's almost as if Phil sauteed his copy of Rich Dad, Poor Dad for 20 minutes over a low heat until all that was left was this pithy four-word reduction. Mmmmm. Full-flavored...citrus accents...short finish with a condescending aftertaste. In other words, vintage Valentine.
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