Monday, June 22, 2009

Ron Ramsey, Captain Shameless, Takes This Week's Kook Power Rankings

Posted By on Mon, Jun 22, 2009 at 5:48 AM

click to enlarge Ron Ramsey's self-portrait
  • Ron Ramsey's self-portrait
Try as they may, no one can compete with the rare combinations of shamelessness, inanity, and downright bungling of Ron Ramsey. He's the total package.

1. Lt Gov. Ron Ramsey:
To prove his far right cred, the GOP gubernatorial candidate slashed the state budget like a wicked medieval king. This, naturally, left him ridiculed statewide. So Ramsey threw up the white flag in total retreat, then weirdly claimed victory. The French are grateful. If this is the new standard of triumph, they can now lionize their performance during WWII.

2. Rev. Maury Davis: First he nearly beheads a middle-aged Sunday school teacher for no apparent reason. Then he gets a church where he rails against gays and pockets a handsome portion of his parishioners income. We're just guessing here, but when he meets St. Peter, he probably won't be invited in for beers.

3. Rep. Brian Kelsey: We've never understood why the wealthy, presumably bright people of Germantown keep electing this guy. He's like the smarmy kid with the sweater tied around his neck who takes great pleasure in belittling the servants. His latest miscue? Calling the public school system "the last vestige of slavery." Can't one of those good ol' boys in the legislature punch this guy in the face? It would strictly be for educational purposes.

4. Nashville Tourism Guys: Despite a 50 percent hotel vacancy rate, the city's still plodding ahead with plans to build its own hotel, thus adding to the glut and undercutting rates of existing hotels. They're apparently pioneering a new economic theory called Let's Get Totally Assed Broke Before We Have To Break For Dinner. Good luck with that, fellas.

5. Sherri Goforth: With one misplaced email, she managed to rain ridicule on Tennessee from everyone from Whoopie Goldberg to Australia. If this keeps up, we'll soon be looking to Mississippi as if it's the Harvard faculty lounge.

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