Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Hannan / Sports Vince Young and His Emotional Meats
Posted by Caleb Hannan on Wed, May 27, 2009 at 11:08 AM
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Titans backup quarterback Vince Young has his own line of food products. And by that I mean, the man sells sausage. Seriously. Since 2008, Vince Young Foods has offered smoked, hot and red hot links, all available by the caseload.
This in itself is funny for three reasons. 1) There's the sophomoric glee that comes with saying you're eating another man's meat. 2) Of all the ways in which a professional athlete can piss away his money (car dealerships, record companies, non-prenuptial agreement nuptials), selling your own brand of meat is delightfully lowbrow. When most athletes invest in a business outside of sports the primary goal is always to make money. But the secondary goal usually seems to be about gaining even more cache than the kind you get from playing a game for money. The kind that gets you past the line outside the club, then into the VIP area of the VIP room. Think white tigers chained to the wall and orgious bacchanal that'd make Nero blush. Not somewhere you're going to get hawking links in the freezer aisle at Walmart. 3) As Orson Swindle of Everyday Should be Saturday points out, Vince Young is an emotional guy. So it'd only stand to reason that if he puts his name on a product, that product will be accurate reflection of the man himself:
From our tasty Bawling Brisket, to our succulent Ribs of Regret, to our delectable Suffering Sausage, I, Vince Young, guarantee you won't have a more temperamental or unpredictable dining experience than my custom line of meat. Put it in the freezer for up to four years to enjoy the erratic flavor, but after that? Who knows what you'll get? THAT'S PART OF THE FUN. As for health? That numbness and tingling you're feeling on left side? That's the sadness and confusion getting into your veins! TASTE VINCE YOUNG'S MEAT AND YOU TASTE HIS SORROW PEOPLE!
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