Friday, May 8, 2009

Calling All Degenerates: '09 Titans Worth the Gamble

Posted By on Fri, May 8, 2009 at 1:14 PM

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If you're one of the 14 Americans who still has a savings account you've probably been bombarded lately with shady financial advice. Convert your assets to gold. Buy shares of Google. Hoard Snuggies. And so on.

But Pith is here to tell you that, in the midst of a depression, there's only one surefire way to get a solid return on your investment: sports gambling.

Vegas just released over/unders for the 2009 NFL season and they've got the Titans at an enticingly low 9.5. For those responsible readers out there, that means you'd earn money if you bet the "over" and the Titans win 10 games. And despite a brutal schedule, we think that's something they're more than capable of doing.

Yes, we lost All-World DT Albert Haynesworth to the Redskins and defensive whiz Jim Schwartz to Detroit. But we also upgraded at wide receiver with free agent Nate Washington and draft pick Kenny Britt. And have you seen LenDale White lately? Dude says he lost 25 pounds in the off season. Which brings him that much closer to looking like a professional athlete and not the guy who won't tuck in his shirt for fear of framing his gut. We're so confident the Titans can make it to double-digits, we're giving this pick Pith's patented One Thumbs Up Lock of the Month*. *Sorry, but you can't let a gambling post go by without making at least one allusion to bookie-induced thumb-breaking. It's the law.

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