Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Zach Wamp: the Greatest Person in History

Posted By on Wed, May 6, 2009 at 9:34 AM

Wamp's mama reveals she's probably going to vote for her son. Zach Wamp's campaign is out with a press release touting their guy as a fabulously alluring, if somewhat bizarre, amalgamation of Lamar Alexander, Bob Corker, Fred Thompson, Bill Frist, Bill Brock, Winfield Dunn, Howard Baker, and Freddy Krueger. (OK, Freddy's not really on the list. We made that up as a little joke.) From the presser:
"What is clear from those who know him best is that Zach Wamp brings together the very best qualities from some of the most effective Republican statesmen in the history of our state," said John Crisp, a veteran campaign consultant and longtime top aide to now U.S. Senator and former Governor Lamar Alexander. "Zach combines the clear vision and laser-like focus of a Lamar Alexander, the energy and drive of a Bob Corker, the command of complex issues like a Bill Frist or a Bill Brock, the common sense and straight talk of a Fred Thompson, and the ability to relate to and communicate with folks from all walks of life like a Winfield Dunn or a Howard Baker. That makes Zach a uniquely talented candidate and a major political force, and I believe his momentum will simply be unstoppable as voters in Middle and West Tennessee get to know him as well as folks already do in East Tennessee."
That's not all! In addition, Wamp combines the blustery nonstop bullshit of Foghorn Leghorn, the boldly innovative comb-over of Phil Bredesen, and the Jimmy Swaggart-like appeal of a former cokehead to Christian goofballs. The list goes on and on. The Wampster's virtues are boundless!

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