Monday, May 4, 2009
Congress / Crazy Crap / Hicks From the Sticks / Kotz / Law and Order / Legislature / Politics Sen. Dewayne Bunch Dominates This Week's Kook Rankings
Posted by Pete Kotz on Mon, May 4, 2009 at 5:40 AM
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Sen. Dewayne Bunch was apparently unhappy with last week's rankings in which relatively sane people rose to the fore by merely grasping kooky ideas. So Bunch took it upon himself to put the kook back in this week's Kook Power Rankings. Behold:
1. Sen. Dewayne Bunch: Home school diplomas may convey a mastery of advanced physics, or they may just certify an ability to grunt and spit simultaneously. Either way, Bunch wants them regarded as legally on par with diplomas gleaned from conventional schools. Home schoolers may not get the same education as normal students, but what public school do you know that offers a semester-long course on How to Build a Sniper Perch for When the Jews Come?
2. Sen. Dewayne Bunch: Yes, he's locking up the top two spots this week for his questioning of a bill requiring wife beaters to relinquish their weaponry if they're under an order of protection. Seems Dewayne thinks this is way too complex, and may present a burden to wife beaters. But we call it political bravery. Go, Dewayne, go!
3. Sen. Jack Johnson: When martial law comes -- and you know it's coming -- you can thank the Franklin Republican for pushing legislation barring the cops from confiscating your guns. When Muslims control Congress -- they only have one now, but they breed like rabbits -- it will be go-time for the Final War on Christmas. Do you want to be armed with only a grill igniter when Mohammad comes for Little Billy's new Hot Wheels set?
4. Sen. Lamar Alexander: Our formerly sane U.S. senator is getting weirder by the day, waxing about "tyranny" and "less freedom." Has our mild-mannered hero taken to spending late nights doing meth and drinking off-brand whiskey with Dewayne Bunch?
5. Congresswoman Marsha Blackburn: This Sentinel of Shamelessness is usually a huge fan of money and profit. But not when it comes to Al Gore! At a recent House hearing, she insinuated that Gore was only into going green for personal profit. Did the former VP spurn her romantic overtures, or could Marsha be turning socialist?
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