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For approximately four paragraphs in this week's editorial, Phil Valentine made Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter's recent jump to the Democratic party sound like a thrilling high seas defection. Then he dropped the metaphor in favor of his usual steaming hot paella of contrived analogies and tone-deaf similes. It was sad. Thus the following parody is short, both in homage to Phil's own commitment and the knowledge that fake pirate accents aren't funny in the least.
Pirate Phil: Ahoy matey! And welcome to the S.S. Supply Side
, the greatest, grandest vessel e'er to navigate the swift waters of the Cumberland! Isn't that right, Squawk?
Pirate Phil: A mighty ship, she be. Full o' broad masts, thick sails and enough good and villainous privateers to get me full on to Fiddlers Green. But trouble, aye, she lurks. For deep in the dusty bowels of this beautiful lass there be a traitor...
The Democrats and their many accomplices in the mainstream media are salivating over the recent news that Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter has jumped ship to the Democrats. The problem is he -- and they -- may have misjudged just which ship is sinking.
Pirate Phil: That's right, Arr-len Specter! Scallywag! Scurvy dog! Son of a biscuit eater! Me thinks he ne'er may recover from this mutiny. To the planks!
Specter didn't jump from the GOP ship. He was shoved overboard.
Pirate Phil: Yarrr! I be havin' ya read more of me thoughts on the matter, but ya know how I always be mixin' me metaphors.
SHIVER ME TIMBERS! THAT WAS AWFUL!