Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Thanks, Rep. Eric Watson, For Reminding Us Of the Yellow Man's Sins

Posted By on Wed, Apr 15, 2009 at 5:28 AM

click to enlarge He may have been really skinny, but looks can be deceiving
  • He may have been really skinny, but looks can be deceiving
In the legislature's continuing debate over a bill to express regret for slavery -- an intellectual throwdown not seen since Weekend at Bernie's -- Rep. Eric Watson raised the exciting prospect of an entirely new species, the Hispaniel. He claimed that "Both sides, Caucasian, Hispaniels, African-American, are all guilty of this [slavery] back in the 1800s."

Watson didn't elaborate on his discovery -- believed to be part dog, part human, with an ability to both fetch and do lawn work. But the ensuing excitement obscured his reference to a forgotten species: the "yellow man."

The yellow man was also responsible for slavery, according to Watson. During the mid-1800s, when he controlled the Greater San Francisco laundry market, the yellow man could be seen emerging from his shanty to say things like, "Where the white women at?" and "I'll take the egg drop soup."

History books are sketchy, since they're naturally slanted against the Caucasian. But it's believed the yellow man was a menacing figure of that time, says Watson. He took our jobs,  didn't speak English and occasionally wore a weird-looking ponytail. Sometimes he would enslave stray dogs and exotic fish.

So while the legislature continues to debate whether it regrets slavery, we owe a thanks to Rep. Eric Watson. If not for him, we would have forgotten that servitude came in a rainbow of colors, and could be way more insidious than the garden variety slavery we've all come to know and love.

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