Tuesday, March 31, 2009

In Defense of Gun Nuts: Don DeLillo vs. Jeff Woods

Posted by on Tue, Mar 31, 2009 at 12:33 PM

click to enlarge When society melts down, who would you rather have on your side?
  • When society melts down, who would you rather have on your side?
Attention gun nuts Second Amendment defenders: If you've had it with that effete liberal pansy Jeff Woods trying to take your guns away time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time again, I'm here to stand up for you! Admittedly, I've always leaned toward the sane left side on this issue, but I thought it was time to reexamine my views. In these dark nights of the soul, some people go to the Bible, some go to psychics, some go to Dave Ramsey. And me? I subscribe to the theory that there's more truth in fiction than in nonfiction, so I go to the Great American Novel. And just last night, as I sat reading Don DeLillo's White Noise (I'm only 25 years behind on my reading list), it struck me--the answer I'd been looking for! In DeLillo's novel, there's been a disastrous chemical spill--the Airborne Toxic Event. The protagonist and his family are being evacuated from one location to another:
We put on our masks and ran through the downpour to our car. Not ten yards away a group of men proceeded calmly to a Land-Rover. They resembled instructors in jungle warfare, men with lean frames and long boxy heads. They drove straight into dense underbrush, not only away from the dirt road but away from all the other cars attempting shortcuts. Their bumper sticker read GUN CONTROL IS MIND CONTROL. In situations like this, you want to stick close to right-wing fringe groups. they've practiced staying alive....
Don't we now find ourselves in a situation that is the economic equivalent of the Airborne Toxic Event? So here's my question for you, Pith readers (and Comrade Woods): If the very fabric of our society crumbles and you have to run for the hills, who would you rather join forces with? A bunch of Mainstream Media types, a gaggle of Vandy linguistics professors or a right-wing fringe group?

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