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U.S. Senator Bob Corker is generally considered a higher life form than the rest of his political brethren in Tennessee, and for good reason. But whenever the auto industry is raised, he suddenly begins talking from orifices not commonly associated with speech.
Corker was at it again yesterday when President Obama rejected the bailout plans of Chrysler and GM and forced GM chairman Rick Wagoner to resign. As a service to you, dear reader, we at Pith will attempt to translate:
"Firing Rick Wagoner is a sideshow to distract us from the fact that
the administration has no progress to announce today. The
administration is hoping the media and the public will stay focused on
Wagoner and fail to notice that negotiations have not progressed since
Yeah, I know, Wagoner ran his company into the ground. And if you hear him talk, he has all the charisma of a garden salad. Not exactly the guy to right a ship. But Obama's been in office two months! Two damn months!
And he hasn't fixed the auto industry yet? What's this guy doing, smoking Newports and watching the NCAA tournament?
"The administration is pursuing much of what we pushed for in December,
but the delay of several months has increased the severity and sent
billions of taxpayer dollars down the drain. Now any investment is
likely unrecoverable and we are putting more and more jobs ...at risk
in a politically charged environment."Translation:
By politically charged, I mean people like me who are standing on the sidelines bitching. He should have accepted a deal he didn't like because... well... I'm not quite sure. Then again, I'm going to bitch no matter what he does. Did I mention this was a politically charged environment?
"With sweeping new power the White House will be deciding which plants
will survive and which won't, so in essence, this administration has
decided they know better than our courts and our free market process
how to deal with these companies." Translation:
It's okay if private interests invest in a failing company and want some say in how that company is managed. That's just good business. But government? Are you kidding me? I know I've said in the past that government should operate like a business. But this is different. Way different. I mean, when did we decide to stop blindly throwing money around? That's, like, socialism. Or something they'd teach you at Harvard Business School. Bob Corker does not abide.
"This is a marked departure from the past, truly breathtaking, and
should send a chill through all Americans who believe in free
Remember that chill you felt last fall when free enterprise damn near collapsed? Well, this an ideological chill, which is way chillier. Me, I bought a parka used for driving sled dogs. I know you can't afford that, but you should at least consider getting a windbreaker. If there's one thing chillier than free market collapse, it's some pointy-head president trying to stop the free market from collapsing. Am I the only one seeing this?