Friday, March 20, 2009

Rep. Tony Shipley Tops Latest Kook Power Rankings

Posted By on Fri, Mar 20, 2009 at 5:35 AM

click to enlarge Tony Shipley: Proof that man evolved from ape
  • Tony Shipley: Proof that man evolved from ape
In a race so close it could only be settled by our replay judges in Toronto, Tony Shipley eeks past Matthew Hill for this week's biggest kook, while last week's winner Frank Niceley falls from the standings:

1. Rep. Tony Shipley: Tells lobbyist that God will throw California into the ocean for being too lenient with gays. Petition drive launched to require state legislators to score at least 35 on IQ test.

2. Rep. Matthew Hill: Latest legislator to believe President Obama is a foreigner pretending to be American. Petition revised to require officials to simply speak the words "IQ test," and  register some form of brain activity.

3. Lt. Governor Ron Ramsey: On the day Tennessee's unemployment rate broke the 9 percent mark, he argued that the federal stimulus package would cause the state food stamp program to become too generous, and that the feds were providing more money than we need. Worry not. As long as legislators keep babbling about gays and guns while the economy burns, poor people will be our biggest growth industry.

4. Rep. Stacey Campfield: Tells fellow legislator, "If I had sex with you, I wouldn't want to pay for your children." Every woman within a 300-mile radius simultaneously barfs. Health Department briefly considers sending schools posters of Stacey Campfield naked to get girls to embrace abstinence. Initial study shows sexual activity would drop by 74 percent, but would cause an equal hike in trauma levels.

5. House Judiciary Committee: Votes to seal state handgun permit records. Vladimir Putin applauds government secrecy, buys everyone a shot of grape Stoli.

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