Wednesday, March 4, 2009
40 Jealous Whores / Hannan / Politics Metro Council Flushes Logic (And Some Cash) Down the Drain
Posted by Caleb Hannan on Wed, Mar 4, 2009 at 1:32 PM
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Last night Metro council faced a choice: Enact a bill that made sense, or go with the other plan. They chose the latter.
At issue was the pay structure for the new stormwater fees (it just doesn't get any sexier, does it?). The original plan pushed by the Mayor's office was four-tiered, with a $400 maximum fee for businesses with a million or more square feet of impervious surface (read: concrete). Which, in a hypothetical world, meant that Walmart could buy Centennial Park, knock down the Parthenon, pave over every square inch of grass, and still pay only marginally more per month than J. Alexander's across the street.
Sylvan Park councilman Jason Holleman thought this to be slightly insane, and more than a little unfair. So he proposed an amendment that would require every business to pay an equal share in proportion to how much impervious surface they owned. The simple equation is known as an ERU (or, if you're into catchy slogans, The More You Pave, The More You Pay) and it's so simple that over 80% of cities nationwide use it when determining this very issue (even Memphis, people, Memphis!).
So, for example, under Holleman's amendment Opryland Hotel would pay $4,686 per month. Under the Mayor's: $400.
Seems reasonable, right? That's what Holleman thought when he went to see Metro finance director Rich Riebeling last Friday to discuss a compromise...
But when it became clear that Riebeling wasn't budging, an exasperated Holleman asked for the answer to a simple question: Give me one reason why my plan isn't more fair? Give me one reason, Holleman said, and he'd back the Mayor's version. After an extended silence, Riebeling responded: Nothing's perfect.
Last night, however, Metro had a chance to at least sniff perfect. To catch a glimpse of it from afar. Maybe even brush up against it in the hallway.
The argument coming from opponents in the lead-up to voting went like this: Holleman's way is too hard. In the Mayor's plan, no one has to think about what they owe because there's only four possible answers. Sample reasoning from Nashville-area businessman: This parking lot is fucking huge! Guess that means I'm in the top tier.
Even Metro Services thought putting numbers into an equation would be too much work. Director Scott Potter told WPLN's Christine Buttorf that calculating what each business owes is too confusing, and would be too complicated for his department to figure out. To which a reasonable person might say: Have you ever met an IT guy?
To them, writing a program that makes a simple calculation is child's play. That pipe bomb they built in high school in their parent's garage worked just fine. Why should this be any harder?
Unfortunately, that kind of rock-solid logic holds no sway in chambers. The Keep it Simple, Stupid argument prevailed and Holleman's amendment got beat, 14 to 24. Said the councilman, post-vote: At least we tried.
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