Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Breaking News / By the Way / Kotz Catholics Bring Back Work Release Program for Sins
Posted by Pete Kotz on Wed, Feb 11, 2009 at 5:37 AM
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Good Catholics know there are sins certain to get you jammed up in purgatory before final destination at the pearly gates. Things like covetousness, getting amorous with thy neighbor's wife, and not letting the priest start on the parish softball team can all land you in The Purg, which is like a Russian prison with fish fries. 
This is rather unfortunate, since it delays entry to the Catholic Heaven, which consists of a giant Irish bar with free shots of Jameson--far preferable to the Protestant Heaven, where everybody sits around a church basement complaining about the Bravo channel having too many homos.
Now, thankfully, the church is bringing back indulgences to reduce your stay in purgatory. While you still can't buy your way out like the good ole days of the 16th Century, you can shorten your sentence through prayer, devotions and pilgrimages.
It may not be as good as that 72 virgin thing the Muslims are rocking. But you can't get a beer and watch football in their heaven, now can you?
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