Thursday, January 29, 2009

Regarding Jason Mumpower's Whiskers: A Psychological Examination

Posted By on Thu, Jan 29, 2009 at 6:53 AM

click to enlarge mumpower_282_29.jpg
Al Gore was cheated out of the presidency. He grew a beard and ate too much. Jason Mumpower is denied the House speaker's gavel. He grows a goatee, takes off his blue suit and puts on a weird sweater vest. Why is he doing it? As always, Pith in the Wind is here to examine the weighty issues of the day.


Mumpower laughs off questions about his strange new look. "It started out as a little joke and it's still here," he says of his fuzzy whiskers. "I've never tried to do anything like that before and I'm just amazed at how much hair I have on my chin in relation to what I have on my head. I really didn't know I could do it."

"Would you have grown it if you had won the speaker's race?" we ask.

"Oh, it has nothing to do with that," Mumpower replies. "Literally I didn't shave at all from Thursday to Sunday" after losing the speaker's election.

"You were depressed?" we ask, cleverly probing Mumpower's psyche.

"I've never been depressed in my life. No, that has nothing to do with it."

But of course Mumpower would say that. He's clearly in a state of denial. Is he afraid he'll vanish into obscurity and looking to stand out in the crowd at the Capitol? Or is there something darker at work here? Maybe he's disgusted with himself for letting Naifeh outfox him yet again, and he can't stand to see his own face in the mirror anymore. Thus, he changes his appearance. Is it the beginning of a deeper process of purification and renewal? Maybe he thinks he lost the speaker election because he's too nice and he wants to look mean. Will he get a tattoo next? Should he buy a bowtie? Discuss.


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