Thursday, January 29, 2009
By the Way / Kotz / Legislature / Politics In Defense of Chip Forrester's Bowtie
Posted by Pete Kotz on Thu, Jan 29, 2009 at 5:53 AM
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Last weekend, Tennessee Democrats elected Chip Forrester as their new party chairman--with one stipulation. Rural Democrats insisted that he lose the bowtie. Prevailing fear: You can't have a guy like this showing up at the Mayberry County Chicken & Lizard Feed Fundraiser, lest your party look like a batch of candy-asses. 
You see, Chip likes to rock the Bowtie Look. Or more precisely, the Rakish Ivy League Intelligentsia Ski In Aspen & Try Not to Throw Like a Girl While Playing Touch Football In Hyannisport Bowtie Look. As far as sartorial choices go, it suits him well. But rural Democrats fear it plays into the party's image as effete elitists quite possibly engaged in alternative lifestyles. So Chip agreed to lose the bowtie.
It was a stunning moment of fashion prejudice. Unfortunately, guys like George Will and Tucker Carlson have sullied the bowtie's reputation, making it synonymous with East Coast poseurs. But it doesn't have to be that way. Check out these guys who have successfully worked the bowtie, yet managed to maintain their masculinity...
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The Distinguished Manly Man Look: Meet Alan Page, Hall of Fame lineman for the Vikings turned Minnesota Supreme Court justice. He has a look that says, "I may be a egghead now, but I could still bull-rush your ass into the next county." How exactly can a defensive tackle look effete? He can't. It says so in the Bible. I'm pretty sure it's in Psalms. 
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The Southern Gentleman Look: Whether yachting off the coast of Carolina, fighting duels over the honor of a society maiden named Whitney, or running up huge mint julep bills at the finest saloons in Savannah, this guy's got a look that says, "I got way more money than you. What do I care what you think? Now run along and get my dry cleaning."
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The Nation of Islam Look: It's a fashion statement for any setting, be it cleaning up a drug-filled housing project, praising Allah, or railing incoherently about the Jews. Okay, scratch that last one. But it's a helluva lot better than the Faux Gangbanger Sideward Baseball Cap & Kobe Bryant Jersey Look, isn't it? 
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The East Coast Rich Kid Look: Try to avoid this. No one did more to ruin the bowtie look than Tucker Carlson. It sends the message, "I still refer to my cleaning lady as a commoner, know the specific names of vintage wines, and have a home library of important tomes that impress people at cocktail parties, which I may even get around to reading at some point." It is legal in 39 states to shoot someone like this, though you may have to get a hunting permit. 
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The Beltway Tight-ass Look: Eeeek! No one quite personifies the tight-ass look like George Will. He's that dour guy you see on Sunday-morning television, offering weighty analysis through the lens of a 1839 Calvinist with no sense of humor. (Is that redundant?) His is a look that says, "I seem to have misplaced $3,000 worth of treated lumber up my rectal cavity, which leaves me prone to offering lengthy theories on Brazilian currency stabilization. If you think the Nazis were torturous, try listening to me talk for an hour over lunch."
Comments (7)
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You forgot "The Politician That Won't Listen to Anyone, Alienates the Money People, Couldn't Win an Election If All of His Opponents Died, and Runs the Party in the Shitter Look" . . . No, wait, I think you cover that one every time you show Chip . . .
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