A sideline reporter in a rare moment of usefulness.
Often times during a football game, the sideline reporter looks about as necessary as the third guy helping to move a couch. Sure they might break a sweat in an attempt to look
useful, but mostly they're just there to tell you something you already know*. Like "Hey, might wanna watch out for those stairs." *Fox's sideline guy Tony Siragusa (seen above) has really turned this into an art form. The former D-lineman is at his best during the winter months, when he's all bundled up behind the goalposts, dropping gems like, "Guys, I can't tell you how COLD it is down here." Seriously, when the job you do can be done by a $1.99 thermometer from Rite-Aid, you know you've got it pretty sweet.
There is one exception, however, to the Sideline Reporters Are Useless rule. And that'd be when they actually report on something that could effect the outcome of the game. Like an injury.
If your favorite player hobbles off the field it is the sideline reporter's DUTY to tell you exactly how strained that man's groin is.
Knowing this, that would make the Titans-Ravens game the ULTIMATE sideline reporter game. Two of the most physical teams in the NFL fighting for the last table scraps. Had it been a couch, Saturday's game would have been three-sided and almost certainly made in Sweden.
So why CBS, WHY WHY WHY, didn't you come to Nashville prepared?*
*We're not just going to bitch. We really are going to call and ask.
I can't remember how long it took to find out Chris Johnson had sprained his ankle. All I know is it was EXCRUCIATING to be forced, along with dum-dum Dan Dierdorff, to wonder out-loud why the Titans' biggest offensive threat was bundled up in a team pea coat, jerking his head in an effort to shake the dreads away from his face. I'm pretty sure I saw that shot enough times that I developed a similar tic too, only without the long hair.
At another point (can't remember if it was the third or fourth quarter), Justin Gage just magically appeared on the bench.
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!
Gage was having a career day and then all of sudden he's not playing? In the age of Twitter and Google you simply cannot withhold valuable information for longer than a nanosecond. This is our collective crack, CBS. Deny it to us at your own peril, you know-nothing faceless conglomerate.