Friday, December 19, 2008
Crazy Crap / Hannan / Law and Order Attention Car Thieves: Stay Away From the Morning Idlers
Posted by Caleb Hannan on Fri, Dec 19, 2008 at 5:36 AM
Try stealing THIS, jackass.
Listen, let's get one thing straight: No one actually likes winter. Yes, I know, there are people out there who will tell you they love the nip of cold air on their nose or the feeling of being bundled up in front of a fire after a long day sledding or snow shoveling or whatever. Point is, these folks are delusional. Because the one consistent theme of all their snowbound fantasies is that they're happiest when they can FEEL WARM AGAIN.
That's all winter is. A reminder that, for one-third of the year (depending on where you live), life before flint, radiators or Duraflame logs was absolutely unlivable.
For this reason, I hold a special place in my heart for the hardy souls who idle their car every morning, just so they can avoid the shock of sitting in the inside of a meat locker. I am one of these people. And that's why I was so pissed to find out that someone had been taking advantage of humanity's shared shiver-inducing affliction.
Auto Theft detectives just arrested four teens accused of stealing more than a dozen cars in and around La Vergne. The thieves m.o. was to drive around apartment complex parking lots in the early morning hours in order to pick off those vehicles that had been left idling.
To this I say: Screw. Them. The scourge of winter is something that should bring us together, not tear us apart. Humanity united against a common enemy: Mother Nature. You wanna go for a joyride? Do it like a man. Spend 10-15 years apprenticing with a master lock-pick and then swipe an Audi in Belle Meade. At least those guys can afford the repair bill.
Picking on some working class sap who doesn't want to become permanently grafted to his steering wheel on the way to Widget, Inc. is a sin worthy of creative retribution. Like, say, stripping the offenders bare, dousing them with ice water and forcing them to watch a happy family warming themselves in front of a roaring fire while they freeze in the yard outside.
Try using that as a penalty instead of the usual probationary morass and I'm positive: Nashville morning idlers will feel safe once again.
Comments (6)
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Idling your car in the morning = terrible for the environment.
ps. Winter in Tennessee is a joke.
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"Listen, let's get one thing straight: No one actually likes winter"
Except for that guy in the PBS documentary who spent 30 years living in a log cabin in the Alaskan wilderness.
I just warm it up because I'm too lazy to scrape the windshield. Otherwise, a remote starter kit could save weeks of dealing with the insurance company, and the possibility of having to buy a new car out of pocket.
Aw c'mon! If you find a period of time down here where it is below freezing - for longer than 48 hours, let me know. Yeah I know it is going to be 13 degrees overnight on Sunday but by Tuesday it will be above freezing and for the next 6 days. This is not a cold place, ever. As far as the car, I never warm the thing up, and when I am driving home, I shut the heat off about 3 miles from arrival to re-acclimate myself to the cool weather.
On the flip side, it is too frikkin HOT down here in the summer, and I'm a pussy about that.
