Bengals receiver Chad Johnson finds out why you don't mess with Cleveland's Dawg Pound.
I know what you're thinking, but before you circle the Scene offices with torches in hand, allow me to explain: I was born and raised in Cleveland, and spent 28 years of my life in that God-forsaken hellhole lovable blue-collar town. Cleveland has never won a Super Bowl or NBA title, and its last World Series Pennant was in 1948. So being a Cleveland sports fan requires remaining unfailingly optimistic in the face of logic, stats and history.
So here are five reasons why I think the Browns will beat the Titans.
1.) You know those kids in grade school who are simultaneously very gifted but also afflicted with ADD? And they can't focus on the task at hand unless it really challenges their intellect? That's the Browns. They handily dispensed with the Giants, the only other team with a record as good as the Titans', because they felt they were a worthy opponent. They can't be bothered with middling teams like the Broncos or the Ravens.
2.) First, QB Quinn is out for the season. Now, QB Anderson is out for the season. Had you even heard of Ken Dorsey before last week? Doubtful. The Brown's third-string quarterback has played in a total of two games over the last three seasons. Not to mention Pro Bowler tight end Kellen Winslow probably won't be on the field Sunday. It's like the perfect storm of reasons why the Browns can't win, which means that underhanded, snickering rascal known as fate wants them to win even more.
3.) QB Dorsey is extremely well rested. (See No. 2.) And since he's only played in a total of two games over the last three seasons, there's very little video of Dorsey running the Browns, ahem, dynamic offense. So how can the Titans really prepare?
4.) A psychic on Gallatin Road told me so.
5.) I'm high on crack.