Here's a police report of questionable origin that's clogging up email inboxes throughout Northern Ohio. Yes, we know it's juvenile. But perhaps it will help you to better understand me, not to mention Scene
editor Pete Kotz, who also did a few years of hard time in the land of Cleve. This one's for you, Pete:
Monday, Dec. 3, 2008
Cleveland Police have recovered the body of an adult male from the Cuyahoga River at 6:45 AM.
The victim apparently fell in and drowned due to excessive alcohol consumption. He was wearing a Cleveland Browns jersey, black fishnet stockings and a red garter belt. He also had a cucumber inserted in his rectum.
The police thoughtfully removed the Browns jersey to spare the family any unnecessary embarrassment.