Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Hannan / Sports Chris Simms: Computer-Illiterate Heterosexual
Posted by Caleb Hannan on Wed, Oct 29, 2008 at 1:10 PM
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The kicker is the lowliest member of every football team. If you understood football, you'd know that.
Mr. Woods, don't you know anything about football? I believe the long snapper is technically the lowest, unless he adequately plays a real position. He is followed by the punter, then the kicker, though sometimes the 4th string blocking tight end is still lower than the kicker. All of you should be embarrassed to call yourselves Americans... if you really are Americans. I'm calling the FBI.
Woods and Caleb, you would tremble at my football knowledge. Don't even trip. The kicker, a team member capable of winning or losing a game on a single play, is FAR from the lowliest member of the team. Yes, his element of the game is miniscule time-wise, but it is obviously one of the most important positions on the team. You betray your lack of understanding right off the bat. But we knew that already. Don't mess with the big boys on this one, just take my word for it.
You are correct, Kotz. Although even a long snapper can cost you a game. Ours (Pittsburgh) went out with a knee injury on Sunday, and our 'backup long snapper' was a special teamer who proceeded to send one flying over our punters head and through the back of the endzone. The safety tied the game, and the Giants got great field position and subsequently scored, destroying our momentum and taking the game. NFL teams don't emply a backup long snapper because in theory, anyone can do it.
Now THATs a lowly position.
A fair point, Mr. Burrito, but I believe they're talking about the masculine pecking order within a team. A kicker is like the blond kid from California who has a perm and, as Taterman notes, believes Coldplay totally rocks. Or the guy who works in accounting instead of the plant floor. He can be a hall-of-famer, but his job title will never grant him full rights within the locker room -- unless he delivers wicked hits on the kickoff team. These are just the rules of evolution, Mr. Burrito. I believe this is all outlined in the Old Testament.
That's Grand Master Burrito if you're gonna be formal.
And I disagree. I think his status in the locker room is "What have you done for me lately." And you could apply that to just about any position, unless you're talking about guys like LT or Randy Moss, who are so freaky talented that they could deliver a gamebreaker at any given moment. I'm sure that time Bironas knocked in the 60 yarder to beat Indy he was the man of the hour. Without him, and him particularly, that would have been a loss.
And who gives a flying fuck about 'masculine pecking order?'
Nobody on a football team, I'm sure.
From Carrie Cecil's column in today's fishwrapper:
"I couldn't help but ask your guys what their favorite Halloween costume was growing up. Here's what they told me:
>> Chris Simms: "In high school when I wore my (now) wife's black skirt and black wig — I guess basically being a girl. But I am OK with it!"
Chris...dude. Quit while you're behind.
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