Monday, August 1, 2005

Comcassed

Posted By on Mon, Aug 1, 2005 at 2:28 PM

Lately, I find that my relationship with my monopolist cable/internet-service provider resembles that between the Marathon Man and his dentist. Comcast mistreats me, but is also the only relief for my pain. My most recent non-anaesthetized molar drilling came last week when I was waiting at home during a 8:00 a.m.-12:00 p.m. repair window. I needed to be at work no later than 10:00, so I had requested that the guy come as early as possible, which was noted on my account. But around 9:30, there was still no cable guy. When I called Comcast dispatch, I was told that my technician wasn't due to come on duty until 10:00 a.m. Enraged, I called customer service to ask why I had been asked to spend two hours waiting for a person who was never intending to arrive during that time. Their response: dispatch shouldn't have told me he wasn't due in until l0:00. They rescheduled my appointment for Saturday 8:00 a.m.-12 p.m. with a note to please come as early as possible.
At 10:00 a.m. I received a call from a courteous technician, who apologized for being late, referring to the note on my account requesting early service. But, he explained, he doesn't come in until 10:00 a.m.
Short of ditching Comcast for satellite, which I am now prepared to explore, I feel pretty hamstrung here. In fact, the more I complain, the more paranoid I become that dispatch will put notes in the margin of my account like "Woman on the edge. Two screaming kids. Noggin channel isn't working. Save Ҵil 11:59."
With no other clear recourse, I am turning to the blog to put a name to this type of consumer treatment. From here on out, I invite you to brand this type of behavior—wherever you may encounter it—with its own verb: "To comcast," defined as "To knowingly waste someone's time at no expense or risk to yourself."
For example, "My doctor always comcasts me. He schedules my appointment for 1:15, but the son of a bitch plays golf until 2:00," or "Credit card companies are always comcasting you. When you call customer service, a recording asks you to enter the 16 digits of your card number, but as soon as the first available representative comes on the line, she asks for it again, as if you hadn't just done it." To comcast is a transitive verb with irregular declension. Past tense: comcassed, e.g. "I got comcassed at the DMV again."
I encourage you to inculcate this verb into your everyday language and to please post any other good examples of comcasting.

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