Wednesday, July 20, 2005
the shape of things too dumb
Posted by Jim Ridley on Wed, Jul 20, 2005 at 1:42 PM
MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!
Stuff I learned about the future from watching the new movie The Island:
1. In 2019, thanks to the magic of product placement, people will still be drinking Aquafina, eating Ben & Jerry's, and watching Scarlett Johannson's Calvin Klein commercial from 2005. 2. In 2019, cars will still be riding on prosaic old streets and highways, but trains will ride on air cushions and motorcycles will fly.
3. In 2019, a person who has never seen the outside world will not only be able to fly said jet motorcycle, he will be able to steer it like a daredevil through a congested city skyline.
4. In 2019, state-of-the-art surveillance cameras can cover every square inch of an encased bubble world, yet prove unable to spot the heroes sneaking around in lab-coat "disguises."
5. In 2019, the lever that can destroy an entire industrial complex comes with a giant sign that reads, "WARNING! DO NOT PULL THIS LEVER WHILE MACHINE IS RUNNING!"
6. In 2019, the bad guy will still order his henchmen to "contain the situation!"—which the henchmen interpret to mean, "Let's kill someone in the lobby of a crowded depot, then start a gunfight in broad daylight with the LAPD."
7. In 2019, diet will be strictly governed, yet the evil totalitarian lunchline will have a stash of bacon.
Stuff I learned about the future from watching the new movie The Island:
1. In 2019, thanks to the magic of product placement, people will still be drinking Aquafina, eating Ben & Jerry's, and watching Scarlett Johannson's Calvin Klein commercial from 2005. 2. In 2019, cars will still be riding on prosaic old streets and highways, but trains will ride on air cushions and motorcycles will fly.
3. In 2019, a person who has never seen the outside world will not only be able to fly said jet motorcycle, he will be able to steer it like a daredevil through a congested city skyline.
4. In 2019, state-of-the-art surveillance cameras can cover every square inch of an encased bubble world, yet prove unable to spot the heroes sneaking around in lab-coat "disguises."
5. In 2019, the lever that can destroy an entire industrial complex comes with a giant sign that reads, "WARNING! DO NOT PULL THIS LEVER WHILE MACHINE IS RUNNING!"
6. In 2019, the bad guy will still order his henchmen to "contain the situation!"—which the henchmen interpret to mean, "Let's kill someone in the lobby of a crowded depot, then start a gunfight in broad daylight with the LAPD."
7. In 2019, diet will be strictly governed, yet the evil totalitarian lunchline will have a stash of bacon.
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