So I was driving up Demonbreun the other day, listening to Jack
, and stopped for a red light. That's when I saw it, writ large against the early evening sky as if by the hand of God (although it was really just a billboard): Diet Coke with Splenda
was coming. And today at the grocery store, I actually saw it with my own two eyes, right there on the shelf (it took a sec to register, as the yellowy packaging resembles the atrociously chalky lemon DC variation). I could barely heave it into the cart quickly enough before hauling ass to the U-Scan.
Oh, sweet Splenda
, how much do I love thee? More than sugar itself, I daresay, even if it is made from the sugar molecule
, so it's almost like it kind of is sugar. Anyway, pure sugar now tastes metallic to me after a couple of years spent ingesting the warm, velvety goodness of Splenda. And my affection for Splenda is matched only by my deep, almost familial bond with Diet Coke. How oft that acidy rush has cleansed my palate and refreshed my mind! And now, with the satisfying crack of aluminum, my two great loves would at last be bonded, like a taste rendezvous in my mouth.
It's not bad. Diet Coke was never technically a diet version of Coke, but a completely different formula marketed under that name. Diet Coke with Splenda actually tastes like Coke itself, which is a little jarring for those of us accustomed to the aggressive ambiguity of the old DC taste, not to mention the familiar bitterness of Aspartame (the original formula will remain on the market, dodging another New Coke disaster; don't get me started on C2, which is only mildly preferable to sucking sweat from a boxer's towel). It tastes a little syrupy to me now, but I'm sure I'll get used to it after about a kajillion cans of the stuff have sluiced down my welcoming gullet.