Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Subterranean Homesick Booty

Posted By on Tue, Mar 29, 2005 at 1:03 PM

There are certain things in life that I will never understand. For instance, why is there sorrow and suffering? Why do bad things happen to good people? And, most importantly, why would anyone cast Beyonce in a movie about Bob Dylan?. It may be an April Fool’s joke, and if so, it’s a very god one. But other news outlets picked up on it, so I hope it isn’t.

Let’s look at the similarities between Bob Dylan and Beyonce:

Both Bob Dylan and Beyonce have been called poets of their generation. Well, at least Dylan has. And now that I’ve written the first sentence, I suppose Beyonce has too.

While Dylan spoke out against war, religion and society with songs like "Masters of War" and "Highway 61 Revisted," Beyonce tackled the subjects of hot boys, annoying ex-boyfriends and partying in songs like "Crazy in Love," "Bug-A-Boo," and "Jumpin’ Jumpin’". Her Destiny’s Child song, "Survivor" has many meanings – is it about overcoming a bad break-up/unhealthy relationship, or about winning the reality television series? – just as Bob Dylan’s "Rainy Day Women #12 & 35" uses the word "stoned" as a double entendre. And then of course there is the much publicized Dylan-Li’l Kim and Beyonce-Jay-Z love affairs, which keep the tabloid world buzzing. And did you know that Bob Dylan looks really good in gold hot pants? His face my look pallid and corpselike these days, but he has a butt that just won’t quit.

But perhaps the most Dylanesque song sung by Beyonce is "Bootylicious" from the 2001 album Survivor. "I don't think you ready for this jelly," Beyonce sings, and her words really hit me hard. I feel like she's talking right to me. No, Beyonce, I'm NOT ready for this jelly. This world, this war, these sorrows and sufferings. Life is jelly, Beyonce is saying, and we are not ready. But life is also bootylicious, and in a way, we want to be ready for this jelly, we want to badly to smear it all over the toast of our souls and eat it up, even though we're not and can never truly be, in the most literal sense of the word, ready. And for that alone, Beyonce should be the next Bob Dylan.

And if they ever make a movie about Michelangelo, I hearby nominate Thomas Kinkade to play the part.


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