Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Lunchtime Poll: Which Band Should We Shove in a Box?

Posted By on Wed, Jul 2, 2014 at 12:11 PM

In last week’s inaugural Lunchtime Poll, y’all voted on which bodily fluid you’d put into a record, and the winner is... drum roll... cremated remains! While 45 percent of you would toss your dusty remains into a slab of vinyl, absolutely ZERO of you would fill your album with piss? I'm surprised! Although, I do regret not making barf an option. Would the outcome have been different if barf were an option?

This week I have a much less gross question for you, though it still sports a bit of a morbid element. Did you hear about the metal band Unfathomable Ruination, who are planning on performing in an air-tight, sound-proof box on a sidewalk in London until they run out of oxygen? The project is called "Box Sized DIE," and it was created by João Onofre, and Unfathomable Ruination will perform for as long as they can three times a week starting tomorrow, July 3, through Aug. 1.

Here's the description, via

This is the first time that João Onofre’s work, Box sized DIE featuring Unfathomable Ruination, 2007 - 2014 has come to London, having toured extensively through Europe at venues including Palais de Tokyo and MACBA. Influenced by Tony Smith’s pioneering minimalist sculpture Die (1962), the steel box serves as a mobile location for performance. In each location the sculpture travels to, Onofre invites a local Death Metal band to play, on this occasion Unfathomable Ruination. The box is soundproofed, determining and restricting the performance’s duration to the length of time in which the oxygen is expended. Outside the cube, viewers observe its strange vibrations, only viewing the band’s entrance and exit to the performance space.

I guess once they run out of air they'll open up the box, but if the box is sound-proof, how will they know the band is out of oxygen? Text message? It stops vibrating? What if it stopped vibrating because they were in between songs and they open the box too early? What if they assume the band is between songs when they are really out of oxygen and they open the box too late?! This could end disastrously.

The thing is, there are so many other bands and musicians I’d much rather put in a windowless, sound-proof box. Chris Brown comes to mind, obviously. And Falling in Reverse, the shitty hard rock band that sings songs about hitting women. I suppose Nickleback is too obvious, but what about the Red Hot Chili Peppers? UGH! I can't stand the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Now please don't think I'm a monster; I don’t want any of these dudes to die. I just want them to never play another audible note ever again.

Which band should be vanquished to the windowless, soundproof box FOR-EV-ER?

Red Hot Chili Peppers
Chris Brown
Falling in Reverse
Black Eyed Peas
Other (leave your suggestions/explanations in the comments!)

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The band I would put in a box is:

The band I would put in a box is:
  • Red Hot Chili Peppers
  • Chris Brown
  • Falling in Reverse
  • Black Eyed Peas
  • Other

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