Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Steal From the Best: Five Warren Oates Movies That Would Make Great Local Videos

Posted By on Tue, Jul 30, 2013 at 3:55 PM

It's been said (more than once) that Nashville has two, maybe three, video ideas ever. Of course there's the "Look Pensive While Walking Down Lower Broad" approach, the "Arty Thrift Shop Nonsensical Bullshit" approach, and the "Let's All Get Wasted and Turn on the Camera" approach. (Frankly, the two former options tend to blur together.) But William Tyler came up with an awesome new idea: a tribute to Warren Oates! OK, it's a tribute to Monte Hellman's classic Two-Lane Blacktop, but it's also a well-documented fact that I am unhealthily obsessed with The Great War, so I'm just going to ignore the whole James Taylor angle and talk about the Big O. Everybody should make video tributes to Warren Oates! And everybody should cast local bell-ringer Chris Crofton to play Warren Oates, because that shit is heee-larious. So after the jump you'll find my suggestions for your favorite local bands' next videos.*

*Don't worry, you don't have to pay me for these rad ideas. I just want to see them happen.

* Birdcloud in Race with the Devil

Surly duo Birdcloud stumbles across a coven of witches and then drunk-drives an RV to escape the devil-worshipers. Sure, in real life, the Satanists would probably be like '"Yo dudes, let's party!" and then Birdcloud would beer-bong them into a coma, but this is the movies folks. SUSPEND YOUR DISBELIEF!!!

* LaserSnake in 1941

It's meta-parody, dawg! LaserSnake frontman Dusty Forsythe is essentially the Wild Wayne Kelso of the local rock scene, and they could ride around in a tank with pantyhose on their head and then film some crazy performance footage in front of a Ferris Wheel as it rolls a way. It would be totally Nickelback, bro! Then again, it would be really expensive, and people would probably hate it.

* Bad Cop in Cockfighter

Can't you see Adam Moult in the role of Harry Dean Stanton? He's totally a punk-rock Harry Dean Stanton. Which is like saying he's a really Harry Dean Stanton Harry Dean Stanton, but you get what I'm saying. I'm sure there's somewhere out in Giles County that can supply the roosters, and it will only up the badness of Bad Cop. Drugs and violence are fun, but Cockfighting is downright hate-worthy. And think of the Pitchfork headlines!

*Mikky Ekko in Blue Thunder

Mikky plays the sensitive, tech-savvy helicopter pilot who goes up against an evil government organization that wants to militarize cop-choppers and take over the world. The appeal here is, of course, Mikky firing machine guns into skyscrapers, because I'm pretty sure that's the last thing he would ever do. Plus there would be an awesome seen where Chris Crofton and Mikky Ekko yell at each other, which sounds like a pure laugh riot.

*Chris Crofton & the Alcohol Stuntband in Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia

Of course Crofton gets Oates' masterwork! Just imagine him as a drunk piano player stumbling across Mexico in a race against time and vicious bounty hunters. What locations would stand in for Mexico, I'm not really sure. Maybe he stumbles down Nolensville Road. I'm not concerned with details, I just want to see Crofton in a linen suit.

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