Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Spurgeon’s General Warning: Timberlake!

Posted By on Tue, Jan 15, 2013 at 10:48 AM

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2013 is already an embarrassment of musical riches for me, personally. First, there’s the new Bowie album, and the fever-dream promise of a live David Bowie performance (or not). Plus, Elton John is coming! Here, to town! I’m going to the show, and I will cry for hours and generally look like a demented anime character, all big eyes and unchecked emotion. Did you know he named his son, born on Christmas Day, Levon? What a guy.

And Justin Timberlake. Tennessee’s favorite son. A fully formed Athena burst forth from the head of boy-band Zeus. He’s back, in Pog form. What are your favorite Justin moments? I have so many (five):

“Rock Your Body”

Without question, “Rock Your Body” is one of the Top Five best R&B-influenced dance-pop songs of 2000-2010. I had to get real descriptive with the definition, because this soon turned into an exercise of how I could also include "Since U Been Gone" in that Top Five until I realized that song is rock pop and therefore on a totally different list altogether.


“Summer Love”

One of the Timbaland-iest songs of all time, “Summer Love” is definitely the best song about summer love by someone entirely too old to seek out a LFO-style summer romance.


Boy-Band Past (“Tearin’ Up My Heart”)

I love it when things sound of their time. The Jackson 5 are not New Kids on the Block are not N*Sync are not One Direction. Listening to this is an instant late-'90s flashback, I can almost smell the Cool Water. To every thing there is a season, that's from the Bible, and I'm pretty sure it was about boy bands.


Justin and Britney’s Matching Denim Outfits

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This is what happens when young people are not told “no.” Bad Idea Jeans for the entire body, these pre-Etsy monstrosities of devotion coupled with white-trash panache will never be forgotten by me, or by Google Images. We all know the deal with poor Britney: She’s legitimately mentally ill, for one, and is pretty open about her bad taste. But Timberlake, for all his present-day slickness (“Suit & Tie,” eh?) was at one point just a weird teen making questionable sartorial decisions, just like you!

Saturday Night Live

Ha ha. The best part is the steps on how to do it.

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