Like George Clooney awash in The Perfect Storm, the website Everything Is Terrible! dogpaddles for dear life at the intersection of Abandoned VHS Garbage and Broadcast TV Sewage, battling 10-story waves of discarded junk media: tasteless PSAs, wretched “entertainers,” public-access atrocities, instructional videos no humane boss would inflict. What, you ask, could make this cesspool any deeper? One magic word: Christmas!
After packing The Belcourt on its first local visit several months ago, EIT! returns to Hillsboro Village 9:30 p.m. tonight with a seasonal compendium of gut-wrenching, side-splitting torment — starting with a surly Santa who looks like Dolemite’s shifty cousin flanked by fleshy “elves.” And that’s just on screen! Live before your spinning eyes, the EIW! crew promises “puppets, sing-a-longs, candy, fake snow, and a visit from the big man himself!”
Needless to say, leave the kids at home unless you want to find them one day carving jerky out of Rudolph. Admission $10.