Thursday, September 13, 2012

Spurgeon’s General Warning: Ugly

Posted by on Thu, Sep 13, 2012 at 11:35 AM

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It’s stupid to pretend that the way a band physically presents itself to a crowd doesn’t matter. Because I believe that it does matter, it’s easy to be accused of that most inconsequential sin: shallowness. But to call a person shallow for pointing out the fact that a performance actually is a performance (you’re on a stage, act like it) is to insinuate that they only care about a band’s looks. Not true. The fact is, I just like something to look at, whether it’s interesting clothes, lasers and confetti and backup dancers, or, if you’re poor and just so fucking rock, the band flailing around and having fun.

And that’s how you write an intro for some Slade videos.

“Mama Weer All Crazee Now”

I mean, hands down, the ugliest band of all time. But they know it, and are smart enough to compensate for their faces with smiles and good vibes. If Slade had been a band with the exact same songs but absurdly attractive men who just stood there looking pretty Ed Westwick-style, would they have been as much fun? Yes, at least for me, because I actually am pretty shallow.


“Gudbuy T’Jane”

Note the bounciness and party-time sequins. Note the lineup and march-along. I’m going to share the secret of winning over an audience, so grab a pen: It’s fun to watch people have fun. (Or get hurt, don’t be afraid to jump off of things!)


“Coz I Luv U”

My favorite Slade song. When’s the last time you saw an electric fiddle onstage? Never, because you don’t go to the Opry.

I guess drummer Don Powell was the most attractive, if forced to pick.


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Who is your favorite ugly band? Do you pretend not to care if a band is really gross? Do you pretend not to care if a band is really hot? If you don’t care about the way you look when you perform, then why do you wear jeans instead of the Easter-slacks-for-lunch-at-Grandma’s-house that I know you have in the back of your closet?

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