It’s that time of year again, stupid hot summer full of nasty sweaty people doing gross things to one another in public. Call me old-fashioned, but everyone should wear sleeves year-round. No matter though, because summer brings with it one redeeming factor: the summer song! You know, that hot sweet jam you bump and pump in your busted-ass car on the way to someone else’s lake house? Luckily for all involved, I’ve compiled the best, brightest, most kickin’ songs of summer 2012.
Ready your time capsules, these are singles for the ages.
This St. Louis three-piece cut its teeth on spank-punk classics like "Orville," "Mama’s Teat" and "Hurrycaine" — and it shows. Drummer and mastermind “Jayden” masterfully fuses the DIY-spit-take ethos of their forbearers with the dot-com attitude of today’s dumb kids, creating a wholly unique sound unlike any other sound, ever.
Summer Single: “Good Old Missouri, I Hope You Die”
Time-traveling corporate rap duo Pop n’ Fizz seem like they’d be the kind of dudes to turn on their comrades for some bread, but truth is they each have 15 bodies to their name, thanks to Vietnam. Their baroque hip-hop sensibilities bring to mind early Handel, if Handel had been the founding member of his high school’s gay/straight alliance.
Summer Single: “Ronald Regan Redux”
Regrettable one-night stands Adam, Mary, Other Adam are continuing their total domination of your little sister’s fevered masturbation dreams by upgrading from “proficient” to “competent.” However, their invite-only busking performances belie their pseudo-populist attitudes, as an early successful sellout with WideAngle Mobile® (Your Big Phone HQ®) netted the group literally hundreds of dollars — more dollars than any other group on this list will ever see.
Summer Single: “My Lovely Horse”
Local lady Debbie McGraw-Hill paid her dues at University of Phoenix online, where she learned things like beats, tempos, rhythms, cadences and how to correctly pack a bowl. Her TP-strewn club appearances have attracted notice as far as Clarksville, and her recent acting turn in a 1-800-SAFEAUTO ad is sure to bring further acclaim.
Summer Single: “Pump Up the Jam (A New One)”
“Pump Up the Jam” (the old one)