OK, maybe not that last one, but pretty damn close. As you may have read in this week's dead-tree edition, I'm a life long Gwar fan, so when I was offered an interview, I jumped at the chance to speak with frontman (front-alien?) Oderus Urungus. I took the opportunity to ask some really stupid questions. (You try interviewing an evil space alien intent on destroying the human race. It's intimidating! And I've even done an interview in lock-up! Only Biz Markie was more intimidating, but then again, nobody beats the Biz.) Oderus was kind enough not to exterminate me for my insolence. It was a good chat.
Tonight, Gwar will play Marathon Music Works with Kylessa, Ghoul and Legacy of Disorder. You can get tickets here. Witness the journalistic carnage after the jump.
Nashville Cream: When you got started there was a lot of concern about your effect on children. Now those kids are all grown up and are breeding. As a species, how fucked are we because of Gwar?
Oderus Urungus: We have tried to eradicate the plague of the human race from the planet. It has been largely unsuccessful due in large part to the fact that human beings fuck each other far faster than we can kill them. Now, we don't want to resort to using nuclear weapons, because we like to kill with the old tools. The whole point was to restore a mistake; it was a mistake that we made when we fucked the apes to create you.
Now, I can't say that the human race is really fucked, because the human race is partially Gwar. If we had fucked the apes, humanity would have never come to be. Therefore, I have to love the child that I created, even though it's a retarded, ugly one. And the only way to teach it anything is by beating the shit out of it. Constantly. That's what I'm doing on this latest tour, every night. Beating the shit out of you humans just to teach you how pathetic and worthless you are and just who the master of everything else is.
Now, if I have to spend the rest of my life doing this and I still haven't gotten to everyone — we still haven't gotten to China yet — how in the hell are we going to kill everybody? And the way that you guys keep screwing each other, you're just breeding like rats. It's a mess. We're trying to clean it up, but let me tell you it's a 24-7 job.
NC: Was this year's Republican primary part of your plan to destroy America, part of your plan to destroy the human race? 'Cause it did a pretty god job of fucking shit up.
OU: Yeah, it seems like the Republicans are doing a lot of Gwar's work for them, but they go about it in such a joyless, shitty, plastic demeanor. There's no joy — there's no fun with the Republicans basically, so I can't agree with anything they do. In fact, all politicians, they deserve to be ... the only reason we have politicians in outer space is to torment them. We do that on the Planet of Tormented Politicians. The only thing we do with them is cut their butt cheeks off and use them as toilet paper. Basically, if people let Gwar run the world, it would be a lot better. I mean it would be horrible but it would be more fun.
NC: Will Gwar step into the celebrity hologram game, now that Dre has brought Tupac back from the dead?
OU: I think that is absolutely the most disgusting, horrible, terrible, awful fucking travesty of art. And it's really terrifying to think that the human race won't have any new stars — John Wayne will be making fucking movies again. Just let these people die and let's get on to the next thing. Please, let them have some self-respect and let them rest in peace. We're not about to do a hologram of [Gwar guitar player/producer] Flattus [Maximus], and we never will.
I was never a fan of remakes anyway, but I think that's just fucking horrible. It's just a pathetic example of how these record companies are willing to wring every last cent from these artists. When Whitney Houston died there was an executive who said these stars are so much more manageable after they're dead because they don't get in the way of their own careers. If people are cool with having computer-generated actors and musicians, basically letting machines make your art for you, then the human race deserves destruction more than ever.
NC: Do you think people are really going to allow their musicians to be replaced by robots? Obviously, given the rise of Mitt Romney, we're willing to let it happen with our politicians, but do you think people are going to fall for that in terms of art? Or is it just a one-time gimmick sort of thing?
OU: No, I think it's the beginning of a big trend, and I've been thinking it's going to happen for a while now. They'll get better and better at computer animation, and you know there will be more and more dead celebrities. I think it's horrible and I think it's gonna happen. In the next 10 or 20 years, you'll see almost 100-fucking-percent computer-generated art and music coming at you from every fucking angle.
I'm fucking sick of it already. I hate Pixar, I love traditional animation. I'm sick of these fucking bubble-faced, nit wit, cartoon-modeled, 3D-animated, bullshit, make-you-go-dizzy spectacles of shit. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves? Forget it, you couldn't make it nowadays. They're not talented enough, they've got computers to do that shit for them. That's why Gwar is more important than ever, because of all the bands out there, we are out there.
NC: Gwar are basically the last practitioners of a lost art.
OU: Yes, we have proudly borne the standard for 27 years. And also the stench.
NC: What's the plan going forward? How will you correct this travesty of culture?
OU: Well, I guess we're just going to keep doing our shows, exterminating the human race and making the best heavy metal there. And we'll see where the chips may fall.