Monday, January 23, 2012
Wow Does Steven Tyler Hate America?
Posted by Adam Gold on Mon, Jan 23, 2012 at 4:24 PM
OK, seriously America, what the fuck is THIS Mickey Mouse shit?
Anyone who saw the abhorrent and unforgivable Super Bowl XXXV Halftime Show in 2001 knows that not only do Aerosmith and Britney Spears (and ‘N Sync) not mix, but Aerosmith and football just don’t mix. As if that wasn’t already established, at yesterday’s Patriots-Ravens playoff game in Foxboro, Mass., Aerosmith singer, American Idol judge and all-around corporate whore Steven Tyler reinforced his contempt for both the game and for America with a rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner” that borders an act of sedition, musically speaking.
Seriously. Tyler is singing like he’s doing an impression of a cat meeting its fate in Gummo. That might be fine and dandy (actually, it’s not) when he’s singing “Falling in Love (Is Hard on the Knees)” for a stadium full of suckers who’ve bought into the myth that Aerosmith is a cool, classic rock band. But, and to sound stodgy, our national anthem probably deserves to be caterwauled with at least some degree of propriety, doncha think?
The fact that Tyler’s committing this act of tactless, tasteless insubordination is made all the more ironic by the fact that he’s doing so at the behest of a team calling itself The Patriots. Alexander Hamilton was a patriot. And when Steven Tyler lets out a pig’s squeal at the end of singing (?) “land of the free,” he homages Hamilton’s legacy by doing an impression of what his scream must have sounded like when Aaron Burr shot him. (Too soon?)
And that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that when Tyler finally finishes gouging America’s heart out with the proverbial post-hole digger that is his gaping, open mouth, the crowd filling the tiers of Gillette Stadium responds with a deafening cheer. Now, living in Boston twice taught me that Massholes will maintain an allegiance to anything their godforsaken state yields. And we all know that Steven Tyler is one of the state’s favorite sons. But let us not forget, we’re talking about a state that also sent Mitt “Magic Underwear” Romney to the governor’s mansion while I lived there. And speaking of Mitt Romney and Boston, Boston has lots of colleges. Kids take SATs to get into college. SATs have a fun analogies section. I just came up with a good analogy. See if you can get it right.
Aerosmith is to understanding rock ’n’ roll as …
A) Peanuts are to peanut butter
B) Apples are to apple butter
C) Mitt Romney is to understanding what it’s like to live on the streets
D) All of the above
If you answered C (Mitt Romney is to understanding what it’s like to live on the streets), then congratulations, you’re right, and definitely not from Massachusetts.
Comments (19)
Showing 1-19 of 19
Oh, get over yourself. Rock is to scissors as Steven Tyler's career is to your whiny, low rent internet pandering.
like
dislike
This is my greatest work since I got Damien Echols out of prison.-Satan
To quote a great, wise man, "Steven Tyler sings just like Steven Tyler, and to expect anything more or less is folly. If you feel the need to be angry, be angry with whomever it was that booked Steven Tyler to sing the National Anthem."
I don't disagree very often with opinions posted by mr. Gold, But we are in agreement at THIS studio that the performance in question burned pretty hard. Sweet hangs. I was expecting much worse.
Pretty terrible. I always like when they ask someone from a local choir group or something a little more dignified than pop crap. Come on, America. Turn off the American Idol. It is a cultural cancer.
I am HONORED as an American to have a chance to hear an Idol performer in the Music world of GREATS like steven tyler at his best Raw and emotional attemp to express respect and love for America. her flag and her people!!! Rock on steven Tyler , your voice may have failed you but you SIR have NOT Failed ME an American.....!
It was just fine. I'm guessing there was a rough draft of this post written even before Mr. Tyler opened his ample piehole.
I just didn't think it was that bad. It was Steven Tyler, after all. He searched a little, that was the worst of it.
I mean shit, the dude stayed upright, you can't ask for much more these days. Bro can't take a piss without eating some floor.
And thus concludes "Maloney's Obligatory Aerosmith Defense Post" for today.
The real travesty was the choke jobs put forth by Cundiff and Williams on Sunday. They handed the Superbowl to the two most annoying franchises in the NFL.
Aerosmith recorded a few pretty good songs long ago, which is better than most arena rock bands do. And denigrating them because they somehow don't understand rock and roll, or inhibit listeners from understanding rock and roll (I'm not quite sure what you're claiming), is just silly, unless you're making the distinction between "rock and roll" and "rock" that some of us old cranky guys like to make. But I don't think you are. Anyway, you seem to be buying the dogma that "rock and roll" is an honorific evaluation rather than just a fuzzily bounded genre. It isn't.
Wow, I just listened to it and I don't see the problem. The execution could have been a little better, but Tyler sang it quite straight, unlike a lot of melisma-happy warblers I've seen. The screeching is part of how he sings, and though it's unfortunate that his voice broke up a couple of times, I didn't sense any disrespect. He was signed up to sing it because he is a Boston favorite, and they probably knew his voice isn't what it used to be and isn't particularly well adapted to the anthem. You really seem to have a grudge against the poor guy, Adam.
Worse than Steve Perry? Certainly not in my book. But musical opinions aside, I don't think he showed any disrespect. He played it straighter than I would have expected and just wasn't capable of some of the notes.
reading some of these comments again... people do understand the "hate america" thing is a joke about "red state" America, right??? Like.. if someone performs a debatable rendition of the Star Spangled Banner is MUST mean they are anti-American. This is clearly a joke.
I took "Does Steven Tyler hate America?" as a bit of facetious overstatement in the service of an unironic argument.
Think Mr. Tyler had his heart in the right place but his voice seems to be destroyed from decades of screaming/singing rock & roll. I felt tortured listening to him sing the "The Star-Spangled Banner" and wasn't moved to tears like some singers can make ya feel when the national anthem is sung with great passion in its original form. The NFL players seemed to be stressed out to be listening to Mr. T's version too. I would like to ask the NFL why they have to have such high profile music artists sing such a special song when average citizens seem to take more pride in singing this song right (without adding extra notes and screams) at big events.
Vote here for best Band of the Week
Slideshows
Top Commenters
