Thursday, November 10, 2011

Drinkify the Locals: What Kind of Booze Is Your Favorite Local Band?

Posted By on Thu, Nov 10, 2011 at 10:00 AM

If you get around on the Internet, perhaps you've already seen Drinkify. It's the hot new memetastic site that takes whatever band you're listening to and converts it into its alcoholic equivalent. Sometimes the band in question equates to a mixed drink, sometimes a simple beer. What logarithms or parabolas or whatevers Drinkify uses to calculate the drink in question I cannot tell you. I can, however, give you some examples that might help us determine what — if any — kind of system/scale we're working with. Black Sabbath is basically a whiskey-tonic with ice cream in it. The Beatles are 6 oz. of Mezcal garnished with an olive, while the Stones are 10 oz. of rum on the rocks. Tupac is a flaming shot of Chinese liquor (Maotai) with orange juice, and Biggie is a full bottle of Champagne (you're damn right he is). Dolly Parton is 1 oz. of a wine cooler (which, LOL x 100, but I give Dolly a bit more credit than that), and Porter is a Bud Light with some mint in it. Which isn't for everybody, but then again, neither is Porter. After all, if you don't like mint, you can always just go with a Marty Stuart.

OK. So I think I'm beginning to get it. Sometimes you've got genuinely applicable qualities like geographical location and general hipness as factors (see Animal Collective), and ... well, I was going to say that sometimes the selection appears to be entirely random, but almost everything seems to make sense on some level. Sure, Fat Tire is American, but, like Radiohead, it's popular among smart people. (Also, as you'll see from The Seeds, The Move and Gang of Four, alcohol isn't the only drug utilized in the Drinkify formula.)

So what say we give this thing the local treatment? Doesn't that sound fun?! Have a look after the jump to see what kind of drinks the Nashville-residing rock 'n' roll set equates to. Also, props on this post go to onetime Cream contributor and current Alaskan arts writer Matt Sullivan for sending along the idea. Nice thinking, Sully.

“The Black Keys”

* 8 oz. Canadian Club Whiskey
* 8 oz. Rose's lime juice
* 10 oz. Rum, Fucking Rum

Combine in shaker and strain into cocktail glass. Serve.

Assessment: This is the only drink recipe I've come across yet that happens to use an expletive. Thatta way, Keys!

“The JEFF the Brotherhood”

* 1 Miller High Life

Serve cold. Garnish with wedge of watermelon.

Assessment: I'll say! Jake is the Miller, Jamin is the watermelon. Or no, wait ...

“The Those Darlins”

* 1 bottle Pinot Noir

Serve at room temperature. Garnish with wedge of pineapple.

Assessment: While I have to agree with the "room temperature" bit, I think the Darlins are something with a bit more kick. And definitely something garnished with onions. Also, The Those Darlins is the same as The Cortney Tidwell, and that ain't quite right.

“The Features”

* 10 oz. Maker's Mark Bourbon

Serve neat. Stir quickly. Garnish with pickled carrot sticks.

Assessment: Totally familiar. Totally solid go-to.

“The Raconteurs”

* 6 oz. Canadian Club Whiskey

Serve on rocks.

Assessment: Like The Black Keys, but with less stuff in it. Doesn't that seem backwards to you guys?

“The Kings Of Leon”

* 6 oz. Kirsch

Serve on rocks. Stir vigorously.

Assessment: Much like a Kings of Leon record, I've never purchased a bottle of Kirsch.

“The Ettes”

* 1 Rolling Rock

Serve cold.

Assessment: You wish, Rolling Rock.

“The Pujol”

* 8 oz. Cherry Brandy

Serve neat. Stir vigorously. Garnish with pickled carrot sticks.

Assessment: A thinking man's drink. Totally acceptable.

“The Glossary”

* 1 oz. Whiskey

Serve neat. Garnish with olive.

Assessment: C'mon. Too easy.

“The Tristen”

* 1 bottle Home brew
* 1 bottle Elderflower cordial
* 6 oz. Glenmorangie Scotch

Combine in shaker and strain into cocktail glass. Serve. Stir vigorously.

Assessment: A little bit fancy, a little bit domestic. I think I get it.

“The Caitlin Rose”

* 10 oz. Microbrew

Serve on rocks.

Assessment: No whiskey in it? Immediate fail.

“The How I Became the Bomb”

* 8 oz. Vodka

Serve neat. Stir vigorously.

Assessment: Eight ounces of vodka: Always seems like a good idea at the time.

“The Black Belles”

* 10 oz. Hennessy

Serve neat. Garnish with maraschino cherry.

Assessment: The cherry is a nice touch, but why not Black Hennessy?

“The Madi Diaz”

* 12 oz. Moonshine

Serve neat. Stir quickly. Garnish with maraschino cherry.

Assessment: I didn't know she had it in her.

“The Kyle Andrews”

* 1 PBR

Serve cold. Garnish with nutmeg.

Assessment: It's mostly completely normal, except that it's just a tiny bit weird.

“The Lambchop”

* 1 bottle Box wine

Serve at room temperature.

Assessment: Sure, room-temperature boxed wine is a little bit sad. But you'll probably feel pretty good if you spend the evening with it.

“The Hans Condor”

* 8 oz. Tequila Añejo

Serve neat. Stir vigorously.

Assessment: Only 8 oz.? These guys? Dream on.

“The Heavy Cream”

* 2 oz. Schnapps

Serve on rocks.

Assessment: Well. I feel like they missed a pretty easy opportunity here. I mean, nasty as it is, The Feist has cream in it. But I suppose Schnapps could be acceptable. Depends on the flavor, though. Butterscotch? Peppermint?

“The Protomen”

* 1 Bud Light

Serve cold.

Assessment: In what universe is the Marty Stuart the same as The Protomen?

“The Natural Child”

* 8 oz. Sipsmith Gin
* 8 oz. Rose's lime juice
* 8 oz. Raspberry Vodka

Combine in shaker and strain into cocktail glass. Serve.

Assessment: I admire how intense this one is, but without weed in it, it just isn't right.

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