If you simply raised your hands and now expect — like the entitled brats you are — to just receive your pudding without adhering to any caveats, then you, kids, are no students of the sage, anglophilic sayings of Roger Waters. You are hopeless. You are dismissed.
Now that we’ve weeded out the slackers, I marvel at the sight of the rest of you eating your meat. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is — say it along with me — If you don’t eat your meat, you can’t have any pudding!
Well done, class! You don’t need no education — meaning, in fact, you do need some education.
Here’s something you might not know: Pink Floyd founder, former member, onetime psych-rock heartthrob, guy who knew where Syd Barrett lived, and noted arrogant bastard Roger Waters will perform his (i.e. Pink Floyd’s) double LP The Wall in — say it along with me — its entirety on June 19, 2012, at Bridgestone Arena. Remember, kids, that’s a week after this year’s Bonnaroo festival, meaning we can all rejoice in having a year free of unfounded Roger Waters on What Stage ‘Roomers and prognostications. Thank god for radius clauses!
I’ll be totally honest: I’m a cursory Floyd fan at best. I think The Wall is, like, pretty good. And I’m barely committed to that opinion, meaning I’ve never been able to actually make it all the way through the album. And, believe me, I actually have tried. I went to a music college for fuck’s sake. They served copies of the record as part of the school’s meal plan.
Still, I’ve always just found myself comfortably numbed by its melodic, soundscape-y what-have-you, then sleepy. And then that makes me want a cup of coffee and a cigarette, which in turn makes me wanna listen to, like, Thin Lizzy’s Live and Dangerous, or some other record where the whack of a snare drum rings out louder than a litter runt’s death rattle. Though I do think the album includes one of the greatest British rock singles of my lifetime:
I also recall, even as a little, baby-sat-by-boob-tube kid, recognizing that, like this here post, the film adaptation of The Wall (example below) is so criminally absurd that its star, Bob Geldof, had to commit his life to saving starving Africans to redeem himself in the eyes of his god — even on Mondays.
As a cat person myself, I’m sorry to have potentially upset all you animal lovers out there. And though I’m not a vegetarian, I’m sorry to have presumed that, just because you’re a student of Roger Waters’ writings, you are consequentially also a meat eater. Though, in defense, The Wall does not offer a lyrical vegetarian option. So, vegetarians, what must you eat in order to have your pudding? Tofu? Chick peas? Facon Bacon?
Speaking of Facon Bacon, in honor of today’s show announcement, Bridgestone Arena flew a big, dead-eyed inflatable pig from atop its saddle roof. You might have noticed it on your way to work. If you manage to snatch it, bring to my office and eat it before my eyes, I’ll give you some inflatable pudding.*
Anyway, I digress. The Wall. Live. In concert, like a Bridgestone over troubled Waters, June 19. Get your tickets when they go on sale Monday, Nov. 14 right here.
*JUST KIDDING! DUH! DO NOT ATTEMPT TO VANDALIZE BRIDGESTONE ARENA — THAT’S ILLEGAL AND THE BUILDING DOUBLES AS A POLICE STATION!