Over at The Daily, Zach Baron discusses the logistical possibility of a cicada swarm at this year's ’Roo. The horror!
The cicadas, if they do live long enough to see Bonnaroo, are unlikely to do more than keep campers awake at night as the males lustily serenade the females — a festival occurrence that is perhaps not limited to the insect world. But four days of concerts does present an interesting, and perhaps unprecedented circumstance, according to Hale, who noted that cicadas are often “attracted to the sound of a lawnmower,” and, when they are in full emergence, will frequently move toward it.
“Now, it might be interesting if there’d be any attraction to speakers,” or even amplifiers, Hale said. “All they would do is buzz toward” the noise. “But I don’t know if anybody’s ever looked into that.”
And you know who they asked about performing for the bugs? JEFF the Brotherhood, that's who. Or at least Jake Orrall. “We’d probably get some kids to come up with, like, tennis rackets onstage, if that happens, just to fend them off,” Jake says. Will they let you bring tennis rackets in? I accidentally left a softball bat in my trunk one year and they confiscated it. Anyway.
I remember last year, I was walking out of the "comedy" tent with one Ashley Spurgeon when a bug of some sort landed on her arm. She said, "I'm going to die!" Thirty-six times, as I recall. No comedy for me this year! Or maybe Spurge Overkill will go Gaga and wear a beekeeper's hat, which would be AWESOME. Especially if she put a price tag on it like Minnie Pearl. Anyway.
Maybe there won't hardly be any cicadas at all! That's one crackpot theory being pushed around in a paper of ill repute, and, well, maybe there's something to it — cicadas around my house have been pretty scarce. Here's Jowers:
I could be wrong, but I'm thinking this year's cicada swarm just isn't going to amount to much. Why is that? Well, because just about every cicada in town has been drowned twice in the last year. Cicada grubs live underground. Cicadas that live on the high hilltops might have survived last year's biblical-quality flood, but I doubt it. Those bugs have been Raptured out, sucked up to bug heaven. The combined leftover bugs from 2010 and 2011 have had way too much to drink. The river water and whatever lurks in it, along with the pressure of the compressed soil and water is going to keep the 2011 cicadas under the dirt.
So, plague of Forever the Cicadas Kids or just a few crunchy bug shells lying around? Either way, you know this fucking hipster will be there.