Well, CMT reports that my beloved alma mater has elected to name their auditorium in honor of Swift — the Sumner County School Board voted unanimously to do so, as a matter of fact. There will be a second meeting to confirm the decision, but that appears to be just a formality. Now Taylor, I know you played in that auditorium a few times, and I’m gonna let them name it after you … but I put on the greatest performance of all time in that auditorium. You may have heard about it. I played Raggedy Andy in a children’s theater production of Raggedy Ann and Andy in that auditorium. Epic acting — pretty big deal. I mean, come on HHS. Can’t I get a water fountain or vending machine named for me or something? What about that bench next to the cafeteria from which my buds and I used to shout things and toss fries at people? That corner of the parking lot where I smoked cigarettes every once in a while? You know, our resident bow-tie-wearing emo apologist J.R. Lind also attended HHS, and he won on Jeopardy! Twice! I mean, just because Tay-Tay is an internationally famous pop megastar doesn’t mean that she’s … wait a minute. What’s this?
[Swift] donated $75,000 to the school in 2009 to update the sound and lighting systems in the auditorium.
Oh. Seventy-five large. Fair enough. By the way, school board chairman Don Long made it clear that Swift did not request that the auditorium be named for her. Tay-Tay’s a class act.