Monday, August 23, 2010
National Skyline It Gets Worse Than the Cover of Soundgarden’s New Album … but Not by Much
Posted by Adam Gold on Mon, Aug 23, 2010 at 4:31 PM
- Not D. Ricky Rodriguez
- Seriously? Seriously.
No, you did not just see the latest work courtesy of the Cream's in-house photoshop artiste, D. Ricky Rodriguez. The image above that just made you lose your lunch is indeed the real album artwork for Soundgarden’s forthcoming release, Telephantasm. Unlike the misplaced irony behind the cover for Weezer’s next strike against their own dwindling legacy, Hurley, it appears as though Soundgarden approved such a design in earnest. I mean, nothing says a band’s for real like a wise, stern K-9. It seriously looks like a band-sponsored fan club contest to design the telephantasmic cover resulted in a 10-way tie — a problem they solved by using morphing software to hybridize the winning entries, resulting in an image that looks like White Fang meets Goodnight Moon meets The Road Warrior meets your Mammaw’s moon wolf shirt.
It’s bad. Like, hilariously bad. But let’s put things into perspective: Consistent with their musical legacy, Soundgarden’s trespasses in the arena of visual aesthetics don’t even graze the tip iceberg of those of their followers. While it’s easy for cynics like me to see Soundgarden as a cock-rock band disguised as an alterna-prog band disguised as grunge band with a shitty name, when judging them in comparison to alt-rock followers like Godsmack, they are Led Fucking Zeppelin. They’re a pretty a good group that just has some shitty elements, the shittiest of which are the most easily imitable — chest-beating aggression, a penchant for shirtless-ness, nebulous lyrics, and the painstaking over-enunciation of vowels soft and hard. While Telephantasm’s album art is almost as bad as its name, check out how its aesthetic deficiency pales in comparison to many of the 2010 releases of some lesser-lauded hard-rock and grunge run-off outfits under the umbrella of their influence.
As you’ll see, while Limp Bizkit can’t match Chris Cornell & Co. when it comes to writing a rock radio hit in an odd time signature, they’ve got ‘em cold when it comes stamping a long-player with a cover image that’s more stomach-churning to look at than the Animal Wrongness section of Rotten.com.
I’m guessing Bullet For My Valentine settled on calling their 2010 release Fever after its working title, Smell the Claw, was vetoed. Is this image supposed to convey conflicting themes of beauty and monstrosity? Or, was this just how their label went about censoring the nipple the band originally intended to show their 13 year-old fans who’ve never seen one before?
I’m pretty sure gold is something this album won’t be going. I’m so pissed that my name is attached to this one. Seriously, I’d rather my name be Chocolate Starfish than anything associated with this soul-depleting emblem of has-been-edness. The Cobra Defense League can’t be happy either.
In fairness to the Toadies, 2010’s Feeler is actually a re-recording of the band’s unreleased 1997 album of the same name, not Ghostfinger's 2008 release (FYI). The original LP — originally intended as a follow-up to their 1995 buzz-bin smashRubberneck, which also had a pretty awful cover — was shelved and condemned to languish in Interscope’s vaults for eternity. The major-label gridlock that claimed the album kept the band in the shadows for the duration of the ‘90s, effectively sealing them in the time capsule of post-grunge one-hit wonders. Unable to pry the Feeler masters from Interscope’s dying hands, they choose to re-record it for the fans who’ve long longed to hear the band’s long-lost effort. Now, if they can get past the cover art — which looks like a vintage, faux-3D, glow-in-the-dark insert poster from Relix magazine — they’ll get to.
I’m not sure if it gets more disturbing than this. The image is pretty self-explanatory. The album is called Korn III: Remember Who You Are, and then there’s a picture of what we can assume is a sexual predator stalking a pre-teen girl in an American wasteland. Either the band is trying to appeal to a demographic of sex offenders, or they're trying to shock parents with this painstaking attempt to seem spooky. Which, I guess, is just what you do to reinforce your dark, dangerous image when your bandmates are dropping like flies to give their lives and powers of rock to Christ. Korn are really going to great lengths to continue looking creepy and subversive. Considering their age, I’d say it’s working. At 39, Korn singer Jonathan Davis has been singing about child abuse for nearly 20 years. I’d say that constitutes a pretty unhealthy obsession. Perhaps Chris Hansen and Dateline should start monitoring Korn’s message boards.
OK, the Deftones have always been an artistic and critical cut above their post-grunge contemporaries — they at least had the sense to rip-off Hum — but album covers like this are among the reasons they’re always guilty by association. I think I might go to FYE and ask if they have any spare promo posters for this record. I’d like to plaster them to my roof to scare the pigeons away.
Trapt — yes, they’re still a band — have managed to fit all their remaining fans on the cover of their new record which, headstrong as ever, they’re calling No Apologies. Trapt? No apologies? Really?
While, as an artist, Meat Loaf hardly fits in to the discussion of Soundgarden-relative rock, let’s just use the Meat/Cornell Venn Diagram argument to make a case for the inclusion of this unsightly gem. I mean, they both sing like they’ve got an inherent hatred of stained glass windows, and they were both born in America in the 20th century. While Bat out of Hell begged the question “Where do you go from ‘Paradise by the Dashboard Light’?” And Bat II begged the question “What wouldn’t Meat do for love?” (Answer: Talk about Fight Club), Bat III finds Loaf-lovers wondering where Meat’s post-Jim Steinman twilight will take him. Well the answer is Hang Cool Teddy Bear — a title bearing what is perhaps the most ironic use of the word “cool” ever.
And just in case you haven't seen the cover for Jeff Beck's latest, "feast" your eyes.
Comments (28)
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I would love to know the actual back stories on these. Who pitched whose idea to whom, what was the original notion versus the final outcome, who changed it and why, etc. A bunch of people had to say 'yes' before any of these became final-- just what were they thinking?
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I don't have a problem with the Deftones cover. It's practically high art compared to the other ones on the list.
But holy mother of God - what the hell were Soundgarden thinking?
Don't they know all they have to do is pull the ripped Levi's and the Doc's from the back of the closet and wait around a bit - they'll be at the bleeding edge of fashion.
Yeah, I kinda like the Deftone's cover. I have a soft spot in my heart for any band who has/d the good taste to rip off Hum.
soundgarden fucking rules and that album cover is fucking awesome.
smoke acid and worship the riff yo.
you just don't like album covers very much. an album cover is good if the music inside is good in my humble opinion.
Well at least you had nothing bad to say about Matt Cameron's drumming-- it's kind of hard to find fault with anything he does, eh?
I'll always have a soft spot for Soundgarden... but this album cover looks like they started reading gorilla vs. bear and MBV, then said "hey this style design is hip now, let's do our album cover like this" not realizing that they're way too old and unhip to pull it off. Advice to old bands trying to reunite/ride the nostalgia wave: don't try to be hip. Just be badass in the same way you were badass way back then.
The Shellac cover for Excellent Italian Greyhound is awesome and it's in the same arena as the Deftones one. One of my favorite album covers of all time has got to be Jack McDuff's Sophisticated Funk.
Oh Lord! You made me cough up a lung I was laughing so hard at your description of Soundgarden. "While it’s easy for cynics like me to see Soundgarden as a cock-rock band disguised as an alterna-prog band disguised as grunge band with a shitty name.....",
Soundgarden .... cock rock? (Just because Cornell used to perform shirtless?) I shake my head on that one!!!!
i cannot take chris cornells voice seriously. did anyone catch his cover of billie jean? it's just about the worst thing i've ever heard. this album cover is mild in comparison.
Some of the shit he did with Timbaland was cool but his solo stuff was pretty annoying.
There are two problems with the Soundgarden cover: it's 1. a stupid concept that is 2. lazily executed. To an astonishing degree, really.
(I like the Deftones one!)
that deftones cover is actually good if you consider their first two: first, a painting of a suction device used to remove baby boogers and second, a really nasty young lady.
Ten seconds of wikipedia research has confirmed that the owl cover is indeed the best of all Deftones album covers, by miles.
PS - I used to fucking loooove White Pony y'all. "Change (In The House of Flies)" was my 10th grade jam. I had so many feelings. Not anymore!
I enjoyed White Pony as well, but instead of being able to write it off as youthful folly, I have to face the fact that it was released a month before I finished grad school.
You know what's another really bad album cover? Thin Lizzy's "Jailbreak." There's nothing wrong with what I've heard of the contents, though.
@Pete Wilson. You know what's an AWESOME album cover? Thin Lizzy's "Live and Dangerous":
http://www.shakenstir.co.uk/wp-content/upl…
It's hard to top Cattle Decapitation when it comes to ridiculous album covers: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humanure_%28a…
I like the Deftones one, too.
@Matt S.
I said "oh no" out loud and covered the screen with my hand until I could click away. Jeez.
"Smell the Claw"
I have a new catchphrase to use in public and embarrass those in my vicinity.
Funny shit as always, Sir Gold.
This is obviously an attempt to appeal to hipsters.
Maybe even the hipsters behind this lovely jewel of the internet:
http://unicornwolflazersfuckyou.tumblr.com…
This is exactly the kind of crap art/design that appeals to the kiddos lately and I can't help but think that's what the artists were going for. I'm thinking Soundgarden was attempting to ride the waves of popularity left by those godawful wolf t-shirts all the hipsters were wearing last year.
Hahahaha! Says the guy who has no album of his own, especially not a fourth, or fifth, or tenth album like many of these bands he is criticizing. This is nothing more that your typical, run-of-the-mill "Can't do, so I criticize" garbage.
I think that soundgarden's album cover fits with their new album perfectly. Just because it has a wolf on it doesn't mean that they're trying to "ride the wave of popularity." Anymore it's like if you have something that happens to be similar to a fad on anything you are a poser and you're only doing it for the popularity/money. Basically what I'm getting at here is, the whole world is trying so hard not to be hipsters that we judge everything like we are hipsters, lets just enjoy the music and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. Soundgarden is a great band and I for one am ecstatic about their return.
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