According to the New York Times, digital media measurement company BigChampagne (pronounced Biiiiiiiig-Sham-paaaag-nah ... not really) has announced the Chart to End All Charts — or at least Incorporate All Charts — aptly named the Ultimate Chart. Not to be confused with the their last attempt at meta-list making, the Penultimate Chart, the Ultimate Chart pulls data from various digital sources like Yahoo, iTunes and Last.fm, and squishes them all into one music-ranking monster.
The idea is that sticking with just the radio-and-sales model a la Billboard is like buying a one-way ticket to irrelevance. Listening to the radio and then buying stuff? That's, like, so 20th century, and hardly anybody's doing it. That's why we need a chart that tells us what the "kids" are listening to on their "social networks." It's these "social networks" that will eventually gain sentience and destroy their creators and hunt down the last, scared, frail remnants of humanity like crippled beasts on a scorched savanna ... which is why they call it the Ultimate Chart. So yeah, we're all doomed. But at least we'll know how many people are listening to Justin Bieber fiddle while the empire burns to the ground.