Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Al-Qaeda Sues Bonnaroo? Restraining Order Requested Against Kings of Leon, Dave Matthews [Updated]

Posted By on Wed, Apr 7, 2010 at 11:34 AM

I hate hippie infidels. And the music of Dave Matthews.
  • "I hate hippie infidels. And the music of Dave Matthews."
From the Department of Slowly Developing Jokes (I think): Two dudes, one of them maybe a terrorist, filed for a restraining order against Bonnaroo, Dave Matthews, Kings of Leon, Stevie Wonder and Jay-Z, claiming that "their music offends us and is in violation of Islamic law."

Um. ...

OK, couple things here. First, one of the plaintiffs listed is named Dr. Ayman Al-Zawahiri. Now, this could be a coincidence, but that is also the name of an al-Qaeda commander who, I would imagine, would not make a trip from Afghanistan or a borderlands cave or wherever to sue KOL. Again, could be a coincidence, in which case trips to the airport are probably really annoying for this guy. The other plaintiff is Jonathan Lee Riches. (Jon Riches?) UPDATE: As Ashley points out in the comments, one Jonathan Lee Riches does reportedly have a history of filing lawsuits.

Yeah ... so: "Their music is a civil rights violation to us because they offend Muslims in their lyrics and degrade women. Also defandat's [sic] promote the sale and distribution of alcohal [sic] to minors as plaintiff's [sic] themselves are recovering addicts and their concert could trigger us to relapse." Um, OK. Making fun of overly sensitive Muslims?

Ha?

Both plaintiffs list their address as PO Box 14500, Lexington, Ky., which, if you look on the Google, is the mailing address for the federal prison there. Let's assume that these guys get out of the hoosegow in time to be tempted by the music and "alcohal" at Bonnaroo. Then there's the date the document was received in U.S. District Court: April 1. If it's a joke, it's kind of elaborate, considering that almost no one except for Tom Wood (who tipped us off) reads these things. If it's not a joke, then I don't know what. Full text:

In the United States District Court
for the Middle District of Tennessee


Dr. Ayman Al-Zawahiri;
Jonathan Lee Riches;
Plaintiff's

v.

Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival;
Dave Matthews Band;
Bonnaroo.com;
Kings of Leon;
Stevie Wonder;
Jay-Z a/k/a Shawn Carter;
Defendant's


Preliminary Injunction, Temporary Restraining Order

Comes now, the plaintiff's Dr. Ayman Al-Zawahiri and Jonathan Lee Riches, we face imminent danger and bodily harm from the defendant's . We move for a restraining order against their upcoming festival because their music offends us and is in violation of Islamic law. Their music is a civil rights violation to us because they offend Muslims in their lyrics and degrade women. Also defandat's promote the sale and distribution of alcohal to minors as plaintiff's themselves are recovering addicts and their concert could trigger us to relapse. We pray this honorable court will grant our restraining order for relief.

Respectfully,

Dr Ayman Al-Zawahiri
PO Box 14500
Lexington, Ky 40512

Jonathan Lee Riches
#4094-08
PO Box
14500
Lexington, Ky 40512

[PDF]

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