This week, both Adam Goldy-Poo and D. Patsy Rodgers are headed to Austin's annual taco-tastic, beer-laden "music" festival, SXSW. They are dudes in bands, dudes who've seen tons of shows, dudes who've played tons of shows, and dudes who've covered tons of shows. But they've never covered SXSW. And now they're about to embark on a journey of sizzling hipster throngs and unrivaled musician spottings and tons of swag and all the temptations and headaches involved in bringing together that many people who all think they have a nuanced view on Vampire Weekend. Let's help them with tips, shall we?
* Good thing you two have badges! I know, I know, going without one can absolutely be done, but every year, this thing gets harder and harder to navigate, and even badges usually mean long waits. But at least at the end of those long waits you're inside a club, usually one with AC, and usually one with beers. This ain't Bonnaroo.
* An all-day buzz rules until you crash from dehydration. Drink recklessly -- you ain't drivin' -- but in the reckless way that involves lots of water.
* Lie as much as needed to gain entrance to the shows that require a different kind of badge/wristband/whatever. Remember? You already talked to so-and-so and (s)he already said you'd be on the list for the pass, and you're covering the show for X and it's pretty bullshit that they forgot to set aside a pass for you, y'know?
* You are under NO obligation to let anyone sleep in your hotel room. No matter how good budz you are. This includes girls wearing jelly shoes and guys with sweatbands.
* Wednesday is St. Patrick's day, and the entire universe will be on Sixth Street that night getting shitfaced. Hope you like people and stuff!
* Definitely try to see any and all Nashville acts you can. When our local heroes play SXSW, they usually bring the kind of hustle that you normally only see at the Road to Bonnaroo competition. When all else fails, find a Wax Fang show.
* See a bunch of overseas bands who will never come here. Try to find one band to obsess over and see them a bunch, especially because, for some reason, that will piss everyone off when you write about it.
* Be cognizant of whatever the thing is everyone is doing this year, trend-wise. It's always good for a laugh. In 2008, me and Stabert saw like a million Richie Kirkpatricks everywhere we went. I also saw a dude taking a dump at Dinosaur Jr. And I hope that happens to both of you, preferably when you're together. Besides, dumpage aside, J. Mascis was the best show I saw two years running.