Monday, December 7, 2009
National Skyline Nashville 'Sex Gods' Make a Showing in Spin Magazine's Year-End Readers' Poll
Posted by D. Patrick Rodgers on Mon, Dec 7, 2009 at 10:42 AM
So we're not the only ones gearing up for all sorts of year-end countdowns and polls and whathaveyou. The folks at Spin are hosting a readers' poll, and in addition to having a fake but awesome metal band nominated for Metal Band of the Year (Dethklok) and a bizarre host of nominees for Most Welcome Return (Alice in Chains, Blink-182, Blur, Cranberries, Phish, Jane's Addiction, The Jesus Lizard [!], Leonard Cohen, No Doubt and Sunny Day Real Estate), they also appear to have a couple of Nashville-dominated categories. Well, maybe not Nashville-dominated, but definitely partially populated by tangentially Nashville-related artists, and that's something.
The categories? Sex Goddess of the Year and Sex God of the Year. Nominees include Hayley Williams of Paramore, Alison Mosshart of The Dead Weather, Caleb Followill of Kings of Leon and Jack White of Jack White International Industries. I'll let you sort out their respective categories. Now, I'm going to go ahead and assume that this category just means "Most Popular Sex Figure of Some Sort" and that it's not unlike the nominees for "Most Attractive" in my high school senior superlatives. Will the winners be the artists who have sold the most records, those who are most appealing to the weirdos and kids who vote in these sorts of contests, or the two individuals who have really challenged our cultural conventions when it comes to sexuality? I think we all know the answer to that, but I'd really like to see a win for the semi-awkward dude from Phoenix or a write-in for Har Mar Superstar. Maybe not.
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All musicians are hot because they are musicians, but I find Thomas Mars to be handsome in an old-fashioned Gallic mode. What you see as "awkward" I see as "distracted French ennui."
Ashley, you've admitted you have an affinity for both "rat-faced" and "lion-faced" dudes. That isn't to say Mars is either; I'm only commenting on your perception of "sexy" v. the rest of society's. Hell, he totally knocked up Sofia Coppola though. So there's that.
Does anyone comment on the scene's blogs other than writers?
Yes. On occasion.
I'm still waiting on Ashley to admit her affinity for fat neckbeards.
I'd like to take credit here for identifying Spurgeon's affection for animal-faced men. She was just traipsing through her life going nuts for rat- and lion-faces, not even realizing her squirrelly ways or the bigger picture thereof. It was only when I identified the pattern that she's experienced anything like peace over the whole matter. Little does she know, she's about one aardvark away from the zoo. But if you really think about it, we all are.
The “interesting” thing about my rat- and lion-faced preferences is that they’re basically the opposite of each other. Rat-faces have long pointy noses, beady little eyes, and a sour little mouth full of barely-contained anger. Sam Rockwell is a pretty classic rat-face, as is Thomas Mars upon further inspection. There’s a smarmy charm to this look, and it is far and away my favorite kind of animal face.
Your lion faces, meanwhile, are darker, broader, and some would say more conventionally attractive. His nose will be wider, his eyes pretty wide set, and will have a well-defined jaw line. Ed Westwick is the go-to lion face of our age.
In many ways, my grossness is an example of my commitment to diversity. I’m an apologist for the male form.
Tracy - we are closer to the zoo than just one aardvark. Go outside in the wee morning hours and you can hear the monkeys. I swear it's true.
That paragraph is also a pretty apt description of my love life.
Maybe you're onto something: Maybe the world of men can be divided into rat faces or lion faces, which in some ways is more convenient than my earlier thesis, which was that the entire world was made up of only three kinds of people: Chia pets, mulberry bugs or Berenstain Bears. This whole rat- or lion-faced thing is really convenient. And really, everything in the middle is just more or less rat- or lion-faced. Our work is done.
"Jack White International Industries" - LOL!
I would think the criterion for voting on Sex Gods is simple: pure sexiness.
Is there anything on planet Earth more pure and sexy than Jack White?
No. No, there is not.
Their poll is too easy.
"apologist for the male form"
You just scored a whole lot of points in the game of life, Ashley.
Also, how would one properly explain a rat/lion combo?
That totally happens sometimes and I can't say I don't like it.
My guess would be the rat/lion combo is what happens to a man when he moves from rat into lion. Just because you're born a rat doesn't mean you're going to stay a rat. Heads have a tendency to spread out and the features can be reshuffled, so Leonardo DiCaprio, who used to be a rat, is in full-mane lion territory now. A lion-to-rat transformation would be Alec Baldwin.
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