Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Creamtastic / Moving Pictures Caption Contest: Antichrist Ticket and T-Shirt Giveaway! [Updated]
Posted by Steve Haruch on Wed, Nov 18, 2009 at 10:16 AM
It's time once again for a Cream caption contest, and little foxes, we've got lots of goodies to give away this time. Perhaps you've heard of the new Lars Von Trier joint Antichrist, a film my colleague Jim Ridley--who has seen approximately every movie ever made--describes as "messed-up." (This coming from a guy who wears a Battle Royale shirt to work.) So of course you want to go see it, right? It opens Friday at The Belcourt and we've got some associated booty to give away to you good folks who write funny captions.
First place gets two tickets to Friday's screening at The Belcourt plus a "Chaos Reigns" T-shirt. Second and third place get a T-shirt each. Designs and a trailer after the jump. As always, be sure to include your email address in the proper field. (It won't be published, but we'll need it to contact winners.) Enter as many captions as you like. Contest ends at 3 p.m. Thursday. Go!
Update: Congrats to our winners, and thanks everyone for playing!
Aaaaaand you totally want a T-shirt of that last scene. But here are the actual designs:
Comments (43)
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When you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that you carried my unconscious self to the curb for my taxi ride to the ER.
"Let's see... Got my gun, cards, cigs, booze, Rock'N'Roll [notice the skull]. Heck, I've even got Kung Fu. Now if I only had some sex."
If only Jesus hadn't left his nunchaku on the doorknob, this wouldn't have happened.
As Bob sat back and admired his painting, he wondered if the fact that candles are the gravest sin was too subtle when viewed in the picture's context.
Killing Jesus softly with his coke.
Not Anti-Christ Just Pro-Choice.
Jesus (yelling): ME!
Visual Mashup Artist's Rendering of both Ministry's "Just One Fix" and "Jesus Built My Hotrod" from the album PALM 69.
this isn't meant to be an entry but i think jesus has been doing the same thing with my weed. what a dick.
Okay Scott, in this scene you're going to shoot heroin into... Wait, why is the stunt arm guy dressed like Jesus?
"Jesus, put your love inside me."
"Sweet, Sweet, Sugar!"
Now, I'm going to go nurse my Baptist guilt for the next year.
i still don't really give a shit but i can't stop looking at that goddamn painting. he's got nun-chuck's on his door knob, jesus is being a total drug pussy, someone did an abstract of america (highlighting south america) and turned much of canada into oceans, he's got a cute little candle going for his drug vibe enhancement, his table is like 6 inches high, the barrel of his gun is so warped that the only person who could die from it would be the shooter, he's got his license out(??), that's a pretty pink looking whiskey, he lost most of his deck of cards, and he does a lot of curls for a junkie... not gonna even touch the handprint (someone forgot to put up a wet paint sign?), the skull, or the (seashell?) as an ashtray.
As someone who had to endure a lot of evangelical anti-drug/anti-sinful-lifestyle brainwashing techniques as a youngster, I feel like I can shed at least a little bit of light on the picture for Jeremy.
The license is two-fold. First, he's of course using it to cut lines of coke—I'd guess the artist would have no idea that someone in the habit of doing speedballs wouldn't be quite so ripped. The license being next to the alcohol also implies that he drinks and drives.
Though I can't say for certain, the candle (and the skull) likely imply some sort of occult involvement. Trust me, the folks responsible for the pamphlet that this piece came from probably see that as a pretty clear connection.
The cards suggest gambling (also a sin), and I believe that's a blackjack.
The gun and the nun-chucks obviously imply violence, and I think the hand print is a labored attempt at suggesting a murder occurred here.
The poorly rendered map behind J.C. is likely intended to represent worldliness, or being a product of the sinful, wicked world—rather than our absurdly beefy junkie grounding himself in Christ, he's opted to shape his worldview around Satan's playground (i.e. REALITY).
The other issues you brought up seem to just be products of the artist's lack of refined perspective techniques. That said, I certainly can't paint that well. Anyway, just my educated guesses.
The worst thing about having Jesus as your Siamese twin is he's always bogarting the black tar.
INSTRUCTIONS: Place photo very close to face, then begin to pull it away slowly. As you do, the picture will come into focus...
If you see Satan behind the man in the picture then you are going to heaven, but if you see Jesus behind him, then you are going straight to fucking hell.
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