Who says roughly two days is too short notice for an epic road trip? A certain co-"worker" of mine just decided yesterday that he's going to go see a certain "Boss" in a certain "Big Apple" this weekend, so who says you can't drive to Austin to catch one of the strongest lineups nobody seems to know about? Who says?!? Fun Fun Fun Fest--despite the audacious earnestness of its title--actually sounds like it might be...well, fun fun fun. Even for the cynical old music snob in you. Hey, two-day passes might even cost you slightly less than tickets to one Springsteen show. Alright, so I've got this whole thing mapped out for you. In less than 72 hours, you can be watching Jesus Lizard, Broadcast, Mission of Burma, Ratatat, Les Savy Fav, GZA and oh so many more, and all you have to do is follow my instructions after the jump.
So driving from Nashville to Waterloo Park in Austin takes just over 13 hours. With only a couple of stops and two drivers working in shifts, it's totally doable in 14 total. The festivities kick off around noon on Saturday, but to avoid having to drive through the night, I recommend feigning Swine Flu around 11:45 a.m. at work on Friday. Study the symptoms, and bust out the sweaty palm, faux fever, wild hallucination approach in front of your boss. This will get you to Austin by 2 a.m. Saturday morning, plus you'll have a residual excuse for not making it back to work on Monday.
Now there's the matter of tickets. Weekend passes are only $75, but springing for PIP ("Pretty Important Person") tickets will cost you twice that and get you "a little closer to the bands, the beer, and the bathrooms." But here's the thing about Fun Fun Fun Fest that I swear these guys stole from me. Sure, I might have only announced this brilliant idea to myself while I was rollin' like Marc Bolan and trying to navigate my way from a mud puddle to Which Stage my first year at Bonnaroo, but I swear it was my idea: "These gaddamn stages should be color coded!"
Orange Stage hosts perhaps the hippest collection of acts, with the lo-fi noise-pop stylings of No Age and Times New Viking, the electronic-tinged hotness of Ratatat, Yeasayer, Broadcast, Knoxville's Royal Bangs (who, by the way, are playing tonight at Mercy Lounge with the Non-Comms), plus Mission of Burma, Les Savy Fav, Lucero, Of Montreal and both Castles and Antlers of the Crystal variety. Black Stage is the most epic, featuring The Jesus Lizard, Danzig, The Sword, Melt Banana and generally the highest concentration of punk- and metal-centric acts. Blue Stage is the hip-hop and DJ jump-off, with The GZA and Genius, MC Chris, The Cool Kids, DJ Numark, Astronautalis and more. Plus you can get your mirth on over at Yellow Stage with comedians including Brian Posehn and Todd Barry, plus Destroyer, Dead Confederate, party mascots King Khan and plenty more. Seriously, you can get blasted and lock yourself in a Porta-Potty all weekend and you'll still probably see more bands than you ever could at the massive clusterfuck known as South by Southwest. Get to plotting right now. There's still time.