Saturday, October 10, 2009

Banged in the Jazzola Part 2: More Awesome Lies From Our Anonymous Hero

Posted by on Sat, Oct 10, 2009 at 2:45 PM

click to enlarge All of the women pictured are currently being treated for severe burns.
  • All of the women pictured are currently being treated for severe burns.

So if you haven't been keeping up, I'll give you a brief recap: An anonymous emailer claiming to be a Next Big Nashville intern started sending some bizarre but hilarious emails to various organizers and bloggers under the NBN banner. Well, turns out that not only is the address from which these emails are being sent totally bunk, but also NBN honcho Jason Moon Wilkins tells us that there are no NBN interns. At all.

Having attended Cortney Tidwell's set at Exit/In, I can tell you that there was no sort of pyrotechnics mishap, and no one was badly burned/killed--certainly not any pregnant ladies. I can also tell you that Dean Shortland is younger than 47, Denney and the Jets are not made up of "Wings/Moody Blues axeman Denny Lane sitting in with a reunited Jets," and Jemina Pearl smells lovely as a rose. That said, what follows is a pretty exceptional little bit of parody that we just couldn't keep from our readers. Full email after the jump.

Remember: What follows is entirely false. No shows have been moved or canceled, and Daniel Pujol is not a homophobic rapper. At least as far as we know.

Can I get a yeaaaaahhhhhah!?

Can I get a double yeaaaahahahah!

YeahhhahahahHHAHAAHAH !!!!!!

Nashvag is doin' it like nobody else this year.

Just twittered about slamming Knob Creek whiskey from a ReverbNation shotglass while Steve Haruch and the bald guy from Lightning 100 ate the shit out of some stale buffet food in THE SAME ROOM! This shit is about to go VIRAL!!! Thanks for the advice, Guy Clark!!

Sad news last night as an absolutely flawless set by Robert Bork-obsessed singer-songwriter Courtney Tidwell was marred by a pyrotechnics misfire that spewed chemical flames on roughly 180 people, most of them pregnant women. Dozens were treated for minor burns and released, but sixteen remain in critical condition or worse, while four remain dead. Only one man--Dean Shortland, age 47--remains unaccounted for at this time. Our prayers are with him. We'll have more for you as this as this tragic story develops.

The Exit/In being shuttered for the time being, we are moving tonight's show (headlined by the notoriously flatulent and supremely talentless Jemina Pearl) to Centennial Park, at the east end of The Parthenon. Weather permitting, you'll also witness sets from Matt Friction's Cheap Shots and The Other Girls. We'd like to thank the Radio Shack Nationwide Supermarket of Sound in Inglewood for providing the sound reinforcement at this impromptu outdoors event. Hell of a store. "Doors" at 8.

Luckily, last night's inferno did not spread to The End, which hosts the very Savage-Garden-influenced Heavy Cream tonight. Also on tap at this veritable dive: a blistering set from homophobic rapper Daniel Pujol; ex-Wings/Moody Blues axeman Denny Lane sitting in with a reunited Jets; Natural Child, a side project former Snapple Maketing VP Ed Rubenstein; and, my fave, Cannonmen, which is several bearded choo-choo-train-hat-wearing 23-year-olds who set up in the parking lot and shoot cannon blanks while a young female in tights moves the little arrow around on a laptop. Don't miss it. Doors at 8.

For additional listings, visit http://nextbignashville.net

I'll shout at you fools later.

Til then, let's blog it up and make this shit go VIRAL in time for the Discmakers BRUNCH BUFFET.

Love you,

Col. Jazzola.

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