Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Cream One Text From Last Night Is Pregnant With Meaning [Gone Country]
Posted by Steve Haruch on Tue, Sep 8, 2009 at 11:15 AM
ATTENTION COUNTRY MUSIC STARS:
According to a message posted to Texts From Last Night, it seems that one of y'all got to badonkadonkin' with a certain lady with a Wisconsin phone number--and now that very same lady is wondering if she might could get in touch with you regarding the fruit of your loins.
(608): How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
She doesn't even know what label you're on? You dog.
So anyway, Unknown Randy Country Star, this is your chance to, uh, come clean, right here on Nashville Cream! It's like an episode of Maury!
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Comments (14)
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Let’s solve this! Because the woman in question doesn’t know how to get in touch with her one-night-stand, we can assume a couple of things: 1. He is a touring musician and 2. They did not exchange contact details and she does not expect to reach him via normal internet methods (Facebook, etc). So her description of him as a “star” could be valid since he is not easily reachable.
Area code 608 is for Madison, Wisconsin and several smaller cities. Because her lover is ostensibly a “star,” he is likely to have performed in the Madison, Wisconsin area fairly recently. I say fairly because she is only “potentially” pregnant, not actually pregnant. Has she taken a pregnancy test yet? She doesn’t say. Let’s be generous and say that the artist “performed” in her “area” in the past month or so.
I hate to disappoint, but John Rich doesn’t appear to be on the road. I found http://www.jambase.com/shows/Shows.aspx?ArtistID=0&VenueID=0&City=&State=WI&Zip=&radius=0&StartDate=8/1/2009&EndDate=9/7/2009&Rec=False&pagenum=1&pasi=1500" target="_blank">
a list of all acts performing in Wisconsin from August 1st through September nowish and soon realized I wouldn’t know the name of a middling country act if it punched me in the face. But I still narrowed it down to two possibilities.
Darryl Worley & Justin Townes Earle.
Justin Townes Earle was in Madison on August 22nd and Worley was at the Manitowoc County Fair on August 29th. Manitowoc County is quite far away from Madison, mind. But if there’s a certain celebrity you want to bang (and I guess Darryl Worley isn’t that bad-looking for a country artist), you will drive your ass to a random country fair in order to bang him. Plus he is the way more famous of the two.
I have no proof that either Darryl Worley or Justin Townes Earle knocked up this lady. But then, I also have no proof that she didn’t do both and is currently pregnant with magical, melodic twins.
The last time JTE was in my town, he was traveling with his girlfriend, which doesn't give him many opportunities to hook up. My money would be on the other guy.
The show that justin and coco played was a bloodshot records party. I played as well with bobby bare jr. Justin's girlfriend was definately there.
What I am saying is me and matt martin were so covered in ass that between the two of us we could have made a full western swing orchestra full of our progeny.just sayin.
... i'm gonna guess we need to search further back than August ... but July brings up all sorts of likely characters (it was summer fair, concert season)
Kid Rock July 5th (Milwaukee)
one of the guys from Sugarland 7/8 or opening act (presumably more accessible? Billy Currington)
David Allen Coe 7/9
Travis Tritt 7/10
Phil Vassar 7/10
Darryl Worley/Zac Brown Band/Billy Ray Cyrus (PLEASE BE HIM!) or Blake Shelton 7/11
Jamey Johnson 7/12
Taylor Swift/Kellie Pickler/Burns & Poe/Jack Ingram /Gloriana/Heidi Newfield/Phil Vassar/
Alan Jackson/Tim McGraw/Rodney Atkins/
Jason Jones (country thunder fest)
Steve Earle/Joe Purdy (7/22)
Jamey Johnson (again? back for seconds?)/Blake Shelton/Tim McGraw 7/23
I was going by August because I was assuming the text was sent recently. As an owner of lady parts, I can say with certainty if you get knocked up in July, you will be 100% of that fact by September. It was the "potentially pregnant" that makes the timing difficult.
We need to know when the text was sent in order for this mystery to truly be solved. I know if a friend sent that text to me, I would share it with the internet SAME DAY. You don't hold onto a winner like that and save it for a later date.
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