Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Creamtastic Go Team: What Your Band Needs Is a Mascot. No, Really.
Posted by Sean Maloney on Wed, Jul 29, 2009 at 6:06 AM
Carles has the right idea. Flyering has been outlawed and they're acting like they might really enforce it this time. Your band can't afford to advertise on the radio or in the paper and nobody wants to "Become a Fan" on Facebook. Your band is going nowhere fast and your unemployment checks are running out.
What are you, the talented, hard-working musician that just needs a chance--one chance to reach those stars and pull 'em down and show the whole world the magic in your hands--what are you going to do to make that push?
Are you going to plead for funding and try to become more self-sufficient as a business entity? Are you going to cross your fingers and hope for the best? Are you going to finish filling out that application for the community college that's sitting on your desk staring you in the face, taunting you with your own inability to succeed at anything?
No, no, you are going to get a mascot, cuz that's what Wilco did and I know how you motherfuckers operate. Hipster Runoff said:
It's interesting to see that the band WILCO got a mascot. I think that this means they are a 'huge' band, needing to reach new markets + demographics. A mascot will make Wilco shows more enjoyable, getting people on their feet, and doing things like 'starting the wavve'.
See that Wilco are "huge" and you want to be huge. It's just math, man. A mascot and some more effects pedals and you'll be fucking huge, like sad-grandpa-farting-on-a-snare-drum huge. You'll be able to buy all the Western shirts and Levis you could ever want. You'll be able to practice onstage and people will actually pay for it, it'll be awesome. Doooooo it!
After the jump, my suggestions for local bands that want to git while the gittin's good, before "indie bands with mascots reaches a 27% saturation rate, and people find it to be inauthentic, instead of whimsical and fun." Seriously, go for it. Do you really have a better idea?
(Maybe NSFW, depending on how your boss feels about foam-rubber nipple-y bits.)
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