Monday, July 6, 2009
Creamtastic Ow, My Fucking Finger!
Posted by Adam Gold on Mon, Jul 6, 2009 at 4:42 PM
Since I've been working for the Scene I've come to learn that being a music critic is a good way to get yourself a hater or two. While I've taken my share of flak from some unhappy artists and a few unhappy readers, the most irate and hateful response to something I've written was waiting for me on my voicemail this morning. Surprisingly, the call came in response to this fireworks piece I wrote six weeks ago for the Scene's summer guide.
The call comes courtesy of a reader whose name rhymes with Sandy Beaver *cough* Randy Weaver *cough*--not to be confused with this guy. The Beav took issue with my "promoting explosions while every dog in the neighborhood is hiding and is completely terrified" and sincerely hopes that I "blow my fucking fingers off." Apparently the Beav knows that I'm a cat person.
He requested that I call him back so that I he could tell me how "fucking stupid" I am for encouraging people to "go out and break the law" by legally obtaining fireworks. He also gave me the option of speaking to him in person, which I took as a threat. I decided a better option would be to post audio of the call for your entertainment.
Comments (16)
Showing 1-16 of 16
funny, what a loser. His wife must have just bitched him out for the neighbors shooting off fireworks.
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HAHAHAHAHA. jesus christ! he must really, really love dogs.
hey adam, THAT IS SINCERE.
LOL, if you really wanted to call him, just look his number up in the phonebook. LOL. He'll sincerely enjoy that encounter. Or better yet, meet up--face to face.
i have to say i agree with this guy.
also, when you call an ambulance about your finger -- or the fire department about burning your stupid house down, i want to be there and tell them to fuck off too for blasting their god damn sirens all the time and terrifying our precious canines half to death every day.
actually, in all seriousness. this is why people move to the country. don't move to the city and bitch about the noise. life does not stop and start at your convenience, donnie. by your little friend some doggy valium next year and enjoy the show. hell, take one or two of them yourself. it's good stuff.
What a dumb shit! While the Scene & Cream suck shit through a straw, we like to blow shit up too!
By the way, the new version of NashvilleRock.net is now up. Feel free to come by and throw some hate our way;-)
Ha ha, this dude wanted to punch you in the face for the sole reason that you are awesome and advocate responsible, legal enjoyment of awesome things.
Terrifying Voice Mails of Hatred are my new favorite feature of The Cream. And life.
I sure hope that he called Metro as well and cursed his fucking head off about their apocalyptic display of patriotism over the Cumberland the other night. This ol' dog was scared shitless when he saw all of the spectators waddling their way towards the scene of that crime.
Oh by the way, farming is also a *very* dangerous pastime and should also be stopped immediately. Do you know how many limbs and digits those guys lose on a daily basis????
I'm pretty sure neighborhood fireworks are illegal in Davidson county.
My neighbors were on a fireworks kick for about a month last year which resulted in the death of my dog. My dog was so terrified one day that she chewed through the fence to escape and was hit by a car.
You all may think this caller was being bitchy and maybe his rant was misdirected but his complaint about neighborhood fireworks is warranted.
If you wanna blow shit up, go out to the sticks where it's probably legal and less of a bother.
What does the Scene recommend doing next year when our redneck neighbors AGAIN aim their fireworks straight at our house?
I guess it would be rude to ruin their fun by calling the police while our house is burning to the ground and there are no trees left in our yard....
Not to mention that our dog who hid under our deck died because the deck caught fire from a still burning piece of firework that landed on it.
How rude of me to wish people could be responsible, or better yet, just not fucking light fireworks in a residential neighborhood and instead GO SOMEWHERE like DOWNTOWN to watch them?!?
For the love of god, someone use the wet blankets to put out the fire on that flaming dog outside.
Redecks with explosives, if you'd have read my article you would've noticed the paragraph addressing safety and proper use of fireworks. Proper use does not mean shooting them at someone else's house, stop confusing the exception with the rule.
So Adam Gold thinks it's hee-larious when literally HUNDREDS of my neighbors come over to my studio apartment on the Fourth and start throwing molotov cocktails all over my stuff!
Adam Gold of The Scene advocates that all good neighbors chase my six dogs around with blowtorches until they're forced to stuff themselves in my knife drawer, where they're impaled and terrified while the apartment burns like the core of a star around them! This has happened to me every year!
Adam Gold, I hope your finger mutates into an ugly finger when you're dumping toxic waste off the roof of your neighbors' houses while billions of dogs are melting and nervous!
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