Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Mariah Carey En Route to Nashville

Posted By on Wed, Jun 10, 2009 at 3:51 PM

About six years ago I had the stoner's dream job of being a clerk at a Blockbuster video in a sleepy Los Angeles suburb. The job's major perk, besides the lack of responsibility, awesome shirt and khakis, was that I got unlimited free rentals. This led me to discover one of my favorite past times: watching director's audio commentary on the worst films possible. While the funniest one I saw was easily for the Scientology train wreck Battlefield Earth (the director literally compares it to Schindler's List), 2001's unmitigated failure Glitter, which starred Mariah Carey as an aspiring singer, was a close second, mainly because the director, Vondie Curtis-Hall, basically anatomized--in the most detached and dejected of tones--how to fuck up a movie.

Since the whole "Mariah Carey plays a diamond in the rough with a four octave range" thing worked so well the first time, she's giving it another go in the new indie drama Tennessee. The film saw it's theatrical release this past Friday and stars Carey as Krystal (you know, like the little burgers) who, on a whim, leaves behind her troubled life as a roadside Texas diner waitress married to Lt. Cedric Daniels and joins two vagabond brothers on their way to Tennessee (presumably Nashville) to get some of their estranged father's dank-ass bone marrow. Krystal has dreams of her own--to be a singer or a songwriter or whatever--that the brothers' leverage as incentive to give them a ride to the volunteer state. Sigh.

For whatever reason, probably to avoid Glitter comparisons, the trailer (above) hardly even mentions the whole aspiring Nashville star aspect of the film. Whatever. Every time they show Carey she looks uber-depressed or strung out on Quaaludes or something. The film was produced by the folks who brought you the 2002 laugh riot Monster's Ball, a film that was best characterized by comedian Jim Gaffigan when he said: "I was watching that movie Monster's Ball where Halle Berry plays this impoverished woman, and the whole time I'm thinking; 'why doesn't she just become a model'." It looks like this film operates on roughly the same platitude. Whatever's going on here I just hope it isn't a sign that Mariah Carey is barking up the Music City tree.

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