I still love good old-fashioned cassette tapes, and could go on and on about that, but I won't. As you've probably heard, there was a bit of a scare the other day at the corner of First and Gay, where a plastic bottle, a written list and a cassette tape were all found together in a somewhat threatening manner. As reported by WSMV, District Chief Buddy Byers of the Nashville Fire Department said that stakes was high: "It's a credible threat because it had a letter and also a cassette tape that had some threats on the tape."
It's not often that analog technology makes it into the MSM anymore, and when it does, it's usually there to illustrate what a Luddite someone is. (Look at me! I have an antenna on my head!) Anyway, this whole threatening cassette business made me think of what may be a lost art at this point: the message mix tape.
In the heyday of cassettes and mix tapes, many mixes were designed to send a specific message: I wanna do it with you; let's do it; hey, doesn't my awesome taste in music make you want to do it; and, finally, fuck you. Of the final variety--the mix made to tell a person off--two specific instances come to mind from my youth and young manhood.
Tape No. 1. My friend Fred was one of those guys who always had a super-hot girlfriend. Always. Even though I could land ollie kickflips with regularity and had a sweet method air off the launch ramp, Fred always had the candy everybody wants. Anyway, at one point, he and his lady-of-the-moment were having some "relationship troubles." They would make angry faces at each other and everything. Then, in a gesture that is equivalent to great seriousness when you're 15, Laura gave Fred a cassette and said, "Everything I have to say to you is on this tape." It was blank.
Tape No. 2. My friend Ed was not one of those guys who always had a super-hot girlfriend, but he has a super-hot wife now, so I guess he got the last laugh. When Ed was in college he was dating a woman named Jenny (pronounced like "genie") and, wouldn't you know it, after weeks of virginity-ending bliss, they sailed right into some choppy love waters. They would make angry faces at each other and everything. Jenny, being from New York, was more aggressive-aggressive than passive-aggressive, so no blank tapes in her game plan. After much unhappy talking, she handed Ed a tape. It was the Pixies' "Ed Is Dead," over and over again for 90 minutes.
So, anybody else got a good "message mix" in their personal history?